When we imagine the worst case outcomes of possible futures, we are likely to create nightmares of stress and may even become monstrous ourselves and lash out at those we care for.
Tortured by doubts and false premonitions, you have become frozen in horror and unable to rest or take care of those you love.
There are deeds from your paste haunting you driving you to acts of violence. Cruelty begets cruelty until the chain is broken by forgiveness or compassion. It is necessary to forgive yourself or focus your thoughts in a more positive direction. Remember thoughts are not reality until they are made real by obsession or persistent labor or practice. You can remove the power from a vision or memory by confronting it and moving past it.