101 in 1001: One Year Check In

It has been one year since I started working on my 101 in 1001 list. I have had some successes, but I feel like I am slacking on many of the tasks. I have not felt very inspired this year. My big successes (taking 1001 photos,  inspiring 1001 works of art) are due to getting the good job I have now, which is also a completed item on my list, and while the working part of the job has been good, the financial part has been a bit rocky and stressful as the economic hard times have made getting paid a bit of a challenge.

I have been walking a lot this year and am well on my way to 1001 walking miles, but I have not fixed up my bicycle so my miles there are woefully short. I was able to get to work many times without my car with bike, bus and my own two feet. Getting to work is much easier than from work because of the uphill and long working day factors (did I mention that I live on the highest hill in town and my  work is at sea level).

I have read almost 50 books this year, but I am way behind on my writing. I have to somehow reinspire myself for writing fiction and poetry, though I have almost completed two journals this year (about 500 pages worth of drawing and writing). I feel pretty good about this.

I feel pretty optimistic about this year though as my wife finishes her 3 year ordeal in nursing school, and can start working more. I will be able to take more time from work to do some recharging. We are both a bit toasty at this point. Though the next few months are going to be a bit chaotic as she finds a job and we work out moving and logistics to accommodate this transition. Maybe I need to write more about this process. I, also, need to figure out what path I want to explore next. Do I want to commit writing and art or choose a better paying career to work in? While I am pondering these choices, it is clear I need to feel more inspired in my life and work. I am feeling beat and like I am slogging through it all.

Even with all the slogging the list has helped me to keep some priorities in mind and inspired me to keep my creative soul breathing. This coming year will be the year of accomplishment. No more hanging in there. I will be taking things on and crossing them off. Right here is another 500 words and a blog entry, and today another 50 kisses for my wife. This year is the year of getting things done.

Posted in All part of the process, Family, lists, paying attention, Self-Experiments, thinking in words, working world | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Windy Walk To Work

Passing by the Lake on a Spring Morning

It looks wet out there,

maybe it’s just windy

that window is wet, freshly wet

wind blown water from the sky

Wind waves breaking on shore

I stretch into my stride

A man fishing chants:

Wind, wind go away,

eying his drifting line.

Posted in Art in Nature, paying attention, poetry, spring | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Thinking About How We Think Others Think About Us

Jack Kerouac by photographer Tom Palumbo, circ...

Image via Wikipedia

“Although your idea of what someone else thinks of you is only paranoic, unreal, and illusionary, it is part of your relationship with the person, as much a part of it as the actuality of the person’s real thoughts”

Jack Kerouac, journals 6/48

We go through our lives in these shells of contained thought looking through a little peep holes trying to figure out the lay of the land from limited amount of information much of which we produce ourselves. And yet if you ask a person what s/he thinks about you it either sounds needy or manipulative, in which case people will either lie to preserve your dignity or make a vague statement or joke that gives you as little information as possible. I have to know someone a long time to have any real idea how they are feeling about me.

Posted in developing relationships, internal landscape, Other peoples words, paying attention, thinking in words | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Learning to Walk Back in My Shadows of Truth

“I’ve got to learn to walk back to the shadows of truth” — Jack Kerouac, journals 11/47

This is what I want to do as writer. There is no way to tell “The Truth” because there is only subjective truth, but I think you can get at the shadows of truth. The truth that fits my perception of the real world. The writers I most want to emulate, Steinbeck, Kerouac, Kafka, Doris Lessing, Ursula K.  Le Guin,Virginia Woolf, Haruki Murakami, Gunter Grass, Toni Morrison and many others make glorious attempts at this in their unique styles. Some like Arthur C. Clark and Isaac Asimov try to walk forward to the truth, but the important  thing to me is that the stories involve a passion for revealing the part of truth that the writer can see from his or her vantage point. That is all you can do as a writer. Tell what you can see and what you believe. There are writers I do not particularly enjoy or agree with (Ayn Rand, Hemingway, Dickens) who were in there plugging away at their own vision of the truth, and I respect them for that.

Most of the fiction I have written is simply an exercise in putting words coherently on the page. I want to find a way to deepen my writing  into a voice that speaks the small, passionate  truth of my world. To do this I need to write a lot more and think a lot more and walk back in the shadows, dig around in the painful and joyful memories, find the places that have the feeling of the real and recreate that feeling in words. I have a long way to go and lot to learn about who I am and what my life is, but I will never stop looking until I can tell a little truth about life from where I stand, mouth stupidly agape, shaking my head in wonder.

Posted in All part of the process, change, discovery and recovery, novel projects, Other peoples words, paying attention, philosophy, Telling Stories, thinking in words | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

The Windblown World: One Man’s Attempt to Stay Awake

Cover of "Windblown World: The Journals o...

Cover via Amazon

I am reading “The Windblown World“, a compilation of Jack Kerouac‘s journals from 1947-1954. This is a man who thought about his life and struggled with the huge questions of existence, but he never seems to lose his naive wonder at it all.

” We are come onto this earth and we do not know what we are supposed to do, and in all the disorder and confusion, we cry out in our souls — “There must be truth for I myself am true!” Yet it is all false and foolish around us, and we, ourselves, are the falsest and most foolish, and oh what are we supposed to do?”

I know what he is talking about. The world always drags us away from truth and muddles things. A person can’t help, but cry out every now and then, at least if s/he is paying attention.

I also found this quote there.

“History is a nightmare from which I am trying to wake“

James Joyce (speaking through Stephen Dedalus)

It fits in nicely with the way I am feeling about the general trends in the world, but before we can wake up, we must first realize we are dreaming.

Posted in can't really complain but, Check this out, Other peoples words, paying attention, philosophy, Questions and riddles, thinking in words | Tagged , , | Leave a comment