My Autobiography in Music Part III

The Who – Baba O’Riley 

This is a song I played loud in the morning to get me pumped for a hard day.Their raw exuberance and energy pushed me out the door into the world. Watching Pete Townsend’s childlike joy in the video makes me smile down to my deepest core. I want that all enveloping focus of being, and the Who when I sing along with all my might and play along, they give me that. Keith Moon was a maniac on the drums too. I cannot watch and listen to these guys without feeling a little freer of the petty stolidness of everyday life that chains my spirit to the ground. They fly so we can float a little.

Posted in Check this out, music, scenes on screens, thinking in words, Wacky World | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Another Piece of The NaNoWriMo Puzzle

Random glanced back at Karen who had a look of panic and disgust like a frightening mask. He pulled over in a turn out just outside of town and Karen bolted out of car collapsed on her hands and knees and threw up in great heaving gasps. Random got out and came around careful not to look to close.
“Are you gonna be alright? Do you need any help?”
She looked up at him helpless and fearful, childlike.
“Where are you taking me? Who are you people?”
“I called your grandmother and got directions back in Fairfax,” Random said flatly, “We are the people you threatened with a toy pistol, or did you forget.”
then she did something that made Random’s heart melt, she rolled over on her back in the dirt, the drizzle drifting into her face, and she laughed great deep hard laughter.
“I am so sorry. It’s not really funny. I really am sorry.” she gasped out as she laughed around the words.
Her laughter was so genuine he found it hard not to join her, but he thought of Lin looking at them and decided it would be to frightening a picture for an already freaked out girl from china.
“Let’s get out of this rain and away from that so I don’t join you in hurling.” he gestured over at the puddle of vomit without really looking at it.
He helped her up and back in the car.
“There’s some food back there if you think you can handle it. How often do you have to take those little pills of yours?”
“Once a day.” Karen answered, “I missed two days, I guess.”
“So you’re all right now? No more weirdness?”
“Where are we?” She asked
“Just outside of Booneville about a coupla hours from your Grammy’s.”
“Wow! I was in such a fog.”
Random pulled the car onto the road and took it easy on the turns.
“Do you remember how you got to Fairfax. Your grandmother tried your father’s house and got no answer.”
“That’s because he’s dead. 5 days ago, he had a heart attack and they came and took him away and I couldn’t handle it. I left. It all gets fuzzy after that.”
“That’s rough. I’m sure your grandmother can help you sort it out.”
“How ’bout some tunes, Man?” Steve suggested.
“Yeh, I’d like to hear some music,” Lin said.
Random fiddled with the buttons and dial and found an oldies rock station.
John Fogerty rang out.
“I see a bad moon risin.
I see trouble on the way . . .
They rode on in silence what more was there to say.
They rode on through the afternoon into the evening coming to the rugged cliffs of the Mendocino coast. The radio station faded out just past Philo before they reached the coast. Each rider stared out lost in there own worlds. Random’s world was the road and the line and the slow cars he came up on. He had the Moody Blues’ in his head.

“And you can fly high as a kite

If you want to

Faster than light if you want to

Speeding through the universe

Thinking is the best way to travel.”

He was one with the black snake of the road. He followed the directions up into the hills east of the small town contained on the little point of land. Up a winding just barely two lane road, and finally up a gravel drive to a two story A frame with a glass front facing the ocean. In the back was a tiny cabin made of logs and topped with planks like a Lincoln log house. They all climbed out, and Karen went first up to the door, which opened to arms ending in wrinkled hands golden in the setting sun which had sunk free of the clouds painting the world in an amber glow. Random felt shaky and dazed from the trance of driving.

“Come in, come in! Thank you so much for getting my little Karen here safely. “ The old woman in the doorway was still clinging to Karen, who looked beat and sad.

“Grammy, Daddy’s dead. I came to tell you. I couldn’t stay. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, honey, don’t you worry. I know. I called your Aunt Martha and she went up to his house found it unlocked. She called the hospital and found out.”

Random felt like he was intruding on this moment and turned to go back to the car to get the food and some things for the night.

“What are we gonna do now, Man?” Steve asked as came back toward the car.

“We’re gonna spend the night and go back around by Diablo tomorrow. I know a little hidden beach down the road by Elk.”

“The Man’s got a plan. Always gotta plan.”

Random laughed out loud and slapped Steve’s shoulder.

“You are one relaxed dude, Steve. You go with the flow.”

“Hey! That’s my motto don’t wear it out.”

Lin came slowly back to the car looking at the sunset over the ocean.

“How wonderful. Are we staying with the crazy lady.”

“Yeah, babe, we’re crashing here tonight and then we are off to further adventures tomorrow. It’s never dull around Man here.”

Random shook his head and rolled his eyes. They all walked back to the house. The old woman and Karen had gone in and they were talking in the kitchen. Karen looked dangerously pale and slumped in her chair with a dazed expression.

“Hello, Thank you so much, but I can’t thank you enough for getting Karen here.” The old woman walked up to Random and held out her bony hand. “My names Lucille, I don’t think we actually introduced ourselves before.”

“Random Anderson, and this is Steve and Lin Chen.” He motioned toward the others who stood in the doorway.

“Well come in, come in. I’ve got some nice ravioli an sauce on the stove and big salad.” She waved them in.

They ate in silence for a while. Karen ate very little and excused herself and Lucille went with her to tuck her in. Lucille came back about 5 minutes later.

“Poor child, she is out like a light. I wonder what all she’s gone through the last 3 days.”

Random never said a word about the toy gun.

Posted in All part of the process, Check this out, conversations, developing relationships, Family, music, NaNoWriMo, novel projects, Of the Road and The River, River of Dreams, Self-Experiments | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Autobiography in Music Part II

Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here

When I was about 20 years old, I remember walking aimlessly through life making movies in my head; this was the soundtrack for most of them. I was feeling lost and unable to connect with the world. I kept losing people. They would fall out of my life for various reasons. I was constantly choosing relationships that were doomed to fail from the beginning, and when they ended, I would walk through the streets with this song in my head. Eventually, I would face the pain of the loss and move on. In a way the song helped me to feel something when I was ready to not feel anything, and so helped me to keep going. I never gave up on finding someone who I could trust. When I hear the song now I feel those feelings of loss as necessary steps to who I am today. I cannot listen to it without empathy for myself in those hard times. It helps me to see my life as a journey, and that I must feel to move forward. Moving through pain is hard, but necessary: numbness is the death of the soul.

Posted in All part of the process, change, developing relationships, discovery and recovery, music, poetry, scenes on screens, Telling Stories, thinking in words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

2 Elegant Quotes Borrowed

“Philosophers have hitherto only interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to change it.”

KarlMarx


“The best things aren’t things “

From Randomvandal

Posted in Check this out, Other peoples words, philosophy, thinking in words | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

A NaNoWriMo Excerpt: Karen Masterson’s Brain

This is basically unedited straight from my brain to the page, all part of writing a novel in November. Check out the link to NaNoWriMo on the Blogroll.


Karen Masterson’s Brain

The old Subaru station wagon cruised down Sir Francis Drake Boulevard through Fairfax. It was white but not shiny, a dirty sheen masked its purer nature. On the side of road stood a young woman dressed in a black Spanish dancer’s dress all lace and broad skirt. Her thumb was out. The look on her face was as vacant as the rundown store front behind her.

Before Random even thought about what he was doing he pulled up to the curb amid the loud honking from the car behind him. He looked up just in time to catch the driver’s gesture symbolizing his critique of Random’s driving skills. Random reached out and opened the passenger door. And the Spanish dancer flounced into the seat next to him and closed the door.

“Wow, smooth driving, Man, Steve said from the back where he and Lin sat snoozing next to one another. It was early in the afternoon and clouds had rolled in making the day a little somber.

“Where ya headed?” Random asked Spanish Dancer who was fiddling around in her purse for something. Her hand came up with a shiny pistol in it and she pointed it at Random’s face.

His stomach flipped over and his heart stopped for split second. The expression on his face however did not change.

“Give me some money,” she said sleepily.

“Sssure, but, I gotta stop the car,” Random stuttered and slowed the car down.

“Hey, Man’s, not like that. Just use your brain and a few words. He’s easy he’ll give you just about anything you want,” Steves calm low voice came from the backseat as his hand reached slowly for the gun.

“You won’t need this. Just use your head, Ok?” As he put his hand on the gun she let it go and turned to face out the window scrunching up her face in a parody of hard thinking.

“Please, give me money. Please, give me money,” she whispered urgently and just audibly.

Random looked back at Steve as if asking “What the F…”.

“It’s a toy, Man,” said Steve showing the pistol to Random from the side he could see it was shiny metallic plastic.

Random breathed. He realized he had been holding his breath he pulled into the parking lot of a supermarket stopped the car and turned off the engine all with a blank expression.

The girl still had her eyes closed in concentration whispering her desperate litany.

Random breathed and again this time with a little irritation, but yielding to concern.

“Hey you,” he said in calm firm voice, “Let’s start simple. What is your name?”

She opened one eye and then the other and then said almost as if she was discovering it herself, “Karen Masterson?” there was a little question mark at the end of this.

“Good,” Random said with a little dry chuckle at the end, “now where are you going?”

She put her hand up to her forehead and looked out the passenger window for 3 seconds, turned quickly and said, “I remember now, Mendicino to my grammy’s”

“Grammy lives in Mendicino? Do you have a phone number?”

“Yes,” she said gaining enthusiasm as if she was on a quiz show winning prizes. She nodded her head in quick little nods almost like a palsy.

“Can I see it?”

“Oh yeah.” She started to dig in the purse, but Random reached over and took it gently from her hands and checked inside. There was a small Chinese coin purse with pills in it, a pack of gum with one piece left, a little silver key ring with a kitty charm on it and three keys and a pink Velcro wallet with a state ID for Karen Masterson.

He showed her the pills.

“Is it time for you to take one of these maybe, Karen?”

She looked at the pill and said, “No, I took one when I left the house.”

“Where is the house? What town.”

“Auburn,” she answered quickly and smiled at her cleverness.

“Auburn is a long way from here,” Random said slowly, “I’m thinkin’ you need one now.” And then he turned to Steve. “Hand me the water bottle and Karen will take her pill. I’m going in to get something for us to eat and drink. I’m thinking maybe Karen might want to sleep a little in the back.”

Karen took the pill and relaxed a bit.

“Ya know I am sleepy. I don’t know when I slept last. Long time no food, sleep.” She said.

Random motioned with his head for Steve to come out of the car with him.

“I’m gonna call Grammy and then we are gonna take Karen to the police station.”

“No, Man, no way. We gotta help this poor kid.”

“Excuse me, pointed a gun at my head!”

“Toy gun.”

“Look Man, this is what you do.”

“What!?”

“People do crazy shit around you and all this wild stuff happens to you and you don’t freak out. I know you Man.”

“If that was me, Man we woulda been off the road or slamming into some other car or shit.”

“You grabbed the fucking gun!”

“I could see it was a toy and it wasn’t pointed at me at the time, if you recall,” Steve finished the argument. “And, look you got her whole story and got the pill in her. We’re half way home because you don’t freak out.”

“And you think taking her to the police is freaking out. I think their pretty good at taking care of lost girls.”

“Not as good as we could be, Man.”

Random looked uncertain.

“I’m goin’ in and calling Grammy get her in the backseat and lay her down. I think she’ll sleep for a while. Those are pretty heavy duty pills if they are what I think they are.”

“Right oh, Capitan!” Steve gave him a little salute.

“And check on Lin, my god what’s she thinkin’ about crazy Americans?”

Posted in All part of the process, California, conversations, NaNoWriMo, novel projects, River of Dreams, Self-Experiments, Wacky World | Tagged , , | Leave a comment