“This inescapable duty to observe oneself: if someone else is observing me, naturally I have to observe myself too; if none observe me, I have to observe myself all the closer.”
—Franz Kafka, 11/7/1921
“The flow of talk goes forward. Words or no words we must make a sound of voices to each other and we will; but it will be better if we can launch a thought now and then on the stream of words.”
“To find my home in one sentence, concise, as if hammered in metal. Not to enchant anybody. Not to earn lasting name in posterity. An unnamed need for order, for rhythm, for form, three words, which are opposed to chaos and nothingness.”
Over the last week I have been trying to cram my life into to some kind of form that makes sense to me, and I have failed. But, I am still trying. I have been on break from work, and so writing a lot, mostly working on my novel. On Wednesday our landlords informed us that we have to move due to their circumstances. We have been in coping mode ever since. Moving is one of the events that makes me take stock of my life and look to a farther future than tomorrow or next week. It wakes me up to where I am on the path and I take a look around. I am still processing my observations and feelings as I pick out what makes sense to keep and what I no longer want to drag about with me. One thing I realize very clearly: I have too much stuff. And it is just stuff, not really things I use or care about. I have hauled some things around for 10 or more years for no particular reason. Books I have not opened, tools I never used, toys I never played with. So I am in a discarding and evaluating period it will probably last a while as the house we will move to will be a lot smaller. I think it will be good for me in the long run. In the short term it is exhausting and a little scary to have my life reduced to boxing up my possessions and working. I will also write though. I must write to maintain the thin thread that connects me to reality.