March continued on into April, stormy and sodden. Spring did not arrive as scheduled. It was a month of pain and illness, but I did a lot of adjusting. I worked spring break and had a good time with a loser schedule. We worked out a lot of the staffing issues in the classroom and all the children had settled into a comfortable rhythm. In spite of little personal miseries, life in general was alright, and I was really glad I had dental insurance.

April 4

Poem:

Working with Dark Stone Tile in a Dream

My mind comes loose

as I remain in motion, still

unmoving madness thinly veiled.

April 5

Questions:

How do I take control of my life?

Is it possible?

What is real in my life, and what is an illusion that I am choosing to invest with reality?

What difference does this make?

April 10

Journal Entry:

I am worried about how my teeth will fit together after the broken ones are gone.

Life is going to shift here in a strange ways, minor and major. The people of the world are shifting and arranging into camps that either fight change or embrace it. Change will happen whether we welcome it or not. Nobody is ever completely right in their position. We can anticipate change but we will never be prepared for everything that happens. We must find ways to adjust and survive or die out. The question comes down to do we move forward as human beings working toward a vision unified to maintain a good quality of life for everyone, or as individuals and arbitrary groups, free of responsibility for other.

April 11

The teeth are out. My mouth is healing. What next?

April 13

Journal Entry:

I drift in and out of sleep these days, trying to fit my life together. I live in moments that my mind strings together.

April 14

Journal Entry:

We are offered gifts in odd packages, sickness, irritating sisters, commuting jobs, glasses. We have to make what we can from them, like making an airplane from sticks and spit.

April 17

Journal Entry:

A long weekend: I am an old man hanging off the edge of the world by his fingers. Every time I move I hurt myself.

April 20

Journal Entry:

Always the change I get is mundane and wearisome, a pain here, an unwanted task there. Money is a nice change lately as it lifts Mary’s spirits. Pains also diminish and recede into the background, instead of being the main course. Change is good, but I would like changes to have some magic in them. Maybe I need to find the magic and bring it out. If I can laugh it is always better.

April 21

Journal Entry:

I am feeling more confident about our classroom, but no more inspired. All seems tenuous and the storms of winter yet crawl all along my path. I will endeavor to bring my own sun to bear on the situation.