Conversation with a Preschooler

J: I had a dream that a alligator walked into the kitchen.

Me: What did you do?

J: Nothing I just sitted there in the chair.

After a pause.

J: It talkted too.

Me: What did it say?

J: I want to eat your feet off.

Me: Did it do that?

J: No, it just stayed in the kitchen.

Me: What could you do about that alligator in your kitchen?

J: I could stab it until it was dead.

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Just Before Dawn 2 weeks Ago

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3 Pieces from a Journal from 6/2018

Things Occur to Me Moment by Moment

 

elliptical fan distortion rippling

 the surface but

touching nothing deeper than

 gliding fish feel not

 the least disturbed inches

 under the surface,

unknowing the peril from above,

claws or oxygen in too basic form,

our salubrious progenitors strayed

 by increments finding feasts

 of bugs and plants not

 available in the light filtered realms

 of constant temperate suspension.

 Imagine the feeling of weight!

Do deep sea creatures feel the tremendous pressure

 applied to every inch of skin?

 

Like Water in California

 

Water moved around California:

Dams, estuaries, tourniquets and flows:

I have dreams all the time now,

but cannot access them at all.

 

the Restless and the Injured

I woke this morning suddenly from a dream realizing that I had not noticed the not so subtle maneuverings of the younger male patients, the hold my beer guys. This setting is not a good fit for them as they do not listen and tend to engage in risky behavior due to restlessness. They do not read or think so much as do and stir things up to keep themselves amused, which is their overriding goal in life. Restless young men, who have so many sons and daughters, but no patience to raise them, only the driving need to be exploring and doing, a compulsion for conquest of boredom, to maintain a non-thinking state. If you are forever doing, you cannot learn from mistakes, only move to the next without taking responsibility for clean-up or attending to the collateral damage except making empty gestures toward having people think well of you even if you are the worst person in their life. They crave attention for their audacity, but no responsibility for the fallout that rains all around the disaster that is there latest escapade. Men have been raised this way and women will assist them in their destructive endeavors so that the world clamors with thoughtless noise and unending chains of empty actions and used up human beings who have damaged themselves beyond their ability to function and, mostly, left with no visitors like islands with all the bridges burnt. I see them every day. Why should I trust them to care for themselves or others at this point. If your only function is to avoid thinking or taking responsibility then you will not only end up hurting yourself but anyone else who doesn’t know to protect themselves. Still I don’t know what I or society in general can do except, try to teach empathy and compassion and give people a sense of purpose in their lives beyond their narcissistic shells. Jail makes men bitter and damaged and religion tends to move people to the other extremes of dried up morality that takes any sense of adventure out of life. For some of these men, a bad fall or car accident is enough of a wake up call. Sometimes just dealing with substance abuse is enough, for so many of these the calm just lasts until the fear of the mundane outweighs the fear of death or other consequences. And, after a lifetime of lighting your tail on fire to keep moving, you just have a hard time sitting down and examining the consequences. I guess, I what I have to do is recognize it when I see it, try to hide the matches and prepare those connected with these men for the next daring escape plan in which the plan part will be mostly an afterthought.

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Geomania

 

 

 

 

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Shadows and Reflections

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Chiaroscuro II

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3 Ways to Master the Beat

 

 

 

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