Pieces of September

Today I am gathering up pieces of September

I am discovering

how I moved through the boxes

from Summer to Autumn

falling down the lines

into a dark morning

with bright leaves.

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It Is Always Darkest . . .

It is now official. Darkness is creeping in and surrounding my days. This is no metaphor. I rise before the crack of dawn. I actually witness the crack of dawn. There are people who worship at dawn. I would rather be sleeping. I crawl from beneath my warm blankets and feel my way across the room to the bathroom door, so as not to awaken my honey(except with muttered curses as a ram my toes into invisible objects). Did I mention that it is cold also, but not quite cold enough for a fire. Soon I will stagger out to the pile of wood in my garage, gather a tote of wood blocks, tote it into the house, build a clumsy structure with my frozen fingers, and light it on fire, all this before truly waking (Ahh that blissful fugue state in which any insane act is actually doable). I expect to be totally used to this idea by tomorrow or the next day. At least it’s Friday and tomorrow I can rise after dawn has cracked and the blessed light preserves my toes.

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Go To the Light

My daughter rents old episodes of Ghost Whisperer, a series about a woman who talks with the spirits of the dead and helps them move to the light. She watches them in the afternoon and I sit and hang out after work with Rowan and Dustin, my cynical son. It really is very corny, but damned if I don’t get a little teary every now and then in between witty comments. I think it must be these messages of redemption and forgiveness which I find appealing in any form. The idea that forgiveness is not just, or even at all, for the person who has offended. Forgiveness is healing and powerful for the person who is victimized.

I heard a story on NPR about the anniversery of the shooting in the Amish school about how the whole community reached out to the shooter’s family in forgiveness. It did not ease their grief, but at least it gave them more space to honor the dead without all those thoughts of vengeance crowding in and getting in the way of healing. I think as a country we could learn something from the Amish.

Unfortunately fear and vengeance are similarly powerful and even more visceral messages, which have been used to manipulate our country into many unpleasant, unjust, and downright murderous actions.

I would not nominate Ghost Whisperer for any award (it is so corny it probably was written in Nebraska, and Jennifer Love Hewitt, though attractive in a very clean way, acts like she is reading her lines at times), but I don’t mind the message that love, forgiveness, and redemption should rule our hearts and send us toward the light.Thats OK with me, really I’m alright. Can you hand me a tissue? My eyes are watering. I must be tired or something.

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Off Balance

I’ve been feeling off balance these last couple days. I think it is just having a cold and cold weather come on me so early in the season, but I am sure the pictures and reports of the monks in Mayanmar / Burma standing up for their people and being brutally silenced, the stories of our own countries complicity in the rape of another country, and the actions of our own petty despot, who needs his teleprompter phonetically enhanced in order to get his idiotic message out to the world. We don’t need to go to Iran to find a crazy, bigoted, arrogant misogynist with delusions of being “the decider”. There that felt good just to say. I feel better already.

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Here Comes the Rain Again

The cold and blustery days have begun early this year as our almost summer fades into autumn gales. Where did the summer go. It went in study walks to help Mary through her anatomy and physiology class. It passed in cool and warm and some almost hot days though mostly cool damp ones.

10 good things the happened this summer:

  1. As I was cleaning up debris from last winter, half of an ancient pine and the top of a smaller tree crashed into our yard, I found our small pear tree which had been buried half the winter and up until July. The pear tree had green leaves and though it had been smashed flat on the ground, it slowly came back to a stooping lean and is still green and looking like it will be strong enough to survive this winter if it can avoid being buried alive.
  2. Mary passed the second part of Anatomy and Physiology.
  3. Mary and I played tennis many times, and I played volleyball and got plenty of exercise so I am in pretty good shape after a year of a lot inactivity.
  4. I went through the garage and threw out half of the things in there and organized the rest of the stuff we will most likely never use so we could find it.
  5. I read some books, studied some things that I don’t usually get to when I am working all the time and organized some of my writing of the past few years.
  6. I started my present blog and have been writing daily (with the exception of this week) since the middle of August.
  7. I took many walks around my neighborhood. It really is a beautiful place in the summer. There is a park with waterfalls and forest and a duck pond.
  8. I worked on our garden which due to the lack of sun was not very successful. We got a handful of peas and the zucchini did alright. The roses were vibrant and the rock garden still looks nice.
  9. I got to know my yard all the little wild things and just sat by the creek listening to its song on the few sunny days.
  10. This summer was like a breath well and mindfully taken, followed in and out before the activity of work and the world rushed back with its overwhelming urgency.
Posted in autumn, change, Family, lists, paying attention, summer, thinking in words, whereever you go there you are | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment