Taking Tentative Steps Toward Inclusion

At the Unitarian Universalist Church I attend, we are studying the idea of covenant, committing to work together on the project of a shared life of service to a community based on love, respect, and spiritual growth and the agreements that we need to make with each other to guide our actions and interactions in support of that commitment. Working as both individuals and a group requires us to set expectations of behavior that both protect each individual and the community. If we want to be an inclusive community, we must define systems of conflict resolution and safe communication practices in order to allow everyone in the community to be heard and supported without being dogmatic or rigid. Retaining the flexibility to include the broadest range of individuals and making each feel supported in being fully themselves is a big challenge. But, we also need to keep in mind that even when we arrive at a consensus for the wording of a covenant statement, there will still be those who will struggle with it and fail to maintain their behavior within the guidelines therefore we also need to make sure that we allow for people to work through their issues and return to covenant, because human beings need a chance to fail in order to learn, and we are learning together how to be in community.

The concept of covenant is complex and fluid and therefore hard to nail down or frame and requires flexibility within firm limits and openness to good faith efforts to reconcile failure. Because people will fail, that is how people learn.

I want to incorporate this concept into my approach to life, remaining open to possibilities and relationships with safe limitations. I am in the process of working out where I want to set my limits, figuring out where to set the boundaries many of which have been blurred or erased over the last couple of years. I know I have to open myself to expanding my social interactions and get myself out in the world, but I also know that moving too fast and without limits will not be good for anyone.

On Sunday I was, as usual, sitting alone on a bench in a corner, observing some interactions of people at my church not feeling very social, but open enough to the people around me, when a woman I didn’t know came over and asked if I would mind if we shared the bench. She asked me some general questions about how long I had been attending the church and such. It was pleasant, but a bit overwhelming as it always is when I talk with people I don’t know. I admitted to being an introvert by nature and she confessed that she considered herself an introvert, which the tentative nature of her approach signified. We both survived the interaction, and I feel we made a little connection. This is the way I slowly connect with groups and people.

I am so not an enthusiastic joiner. But, now I feel as if I have to attempt to introduce myself to someone that I have no reason to talk to besides just making an attempt at getting to know them a little better and see how it goes. I have rarely done this in my life and certainly not in the last 2 years. I realize that a conversation is not a commitment to anything but holding up my side of the interaction, but for me unscripted conversations are a minefield that I must cross with all of my nerves ajangle challenging my slow processing of information verbal and nonverbal. In short I need to figure out how to relax and just be when I am talking to people, but if I don’t practice I will always be observing. Lately I find the need to be more a part of a community and more committed to other people’s lives. I need to have a covenant with life that includes me in daily relationships and connects me to the world, and the only way to do that is to practice opening up and committing to a process of covenant with the people that I come across as I go about my daily life. I will have to be more open to approaching and being approached. I will take some deep breaths and little steps and wade into it slowly.