Why keep going when it makes no sense, when the pain is all pervasive and inescapable and not the kind that I can take a pill for that leaves me conscious? Why get up in the morning? Why go to bed when I feel like a rotten tooth broken down to the nerve and my mind is a rusty probe digging at it saying: “Does this hurt?”
Why should I continue with this when I am just stumbling around in the mud doing prat falls over my own viscera? I am of no use to anyone in this condition least of all myself. If there was a way to cease to exist without messing up the world and causing more pain I would be considering it. But, our lives are connected in so many complex ways that anything I do to save me will result in the same pain for someone else. That is the reason, at least for me at this point, for the continued face plants and endless nights. Right now I can see no hope for improvement. I have to go on. What else is there to do?