Working My Way Back to Wonder

I have been pulling myself out of a dark place for the last two years which I fell into after the end of my marriage. I have been depressed and angry for much of that time and behind that there is a looming fear of never figuring out how to trust the handholds on the way up. I have been working so hard to find meaning and reconnect with the wonder that inspired me to start writing this blog. I want to experience everyday miracles and mysteries that make waking up in the morning the beginning of a new journey into the magical world. I am beginning to feel the light and color of adventure come back into my life. So I want to recommit this space to wonder and self-experiments and finding the miraculous in each moment. I do not mean this to be a place of ridiculous optimism where every cloud has a silver lining and lemons are all squeezed and sweetened. I think it is alright to have sour lemons and sometimes clouds are better when they are majestically dark and not lined with shiny metal. I just want to see the world as a place of possibilities again and not just some thing I have to slog through to get to something else I will most likely have to slog through. I am done slogging. I am now looking to renew my belief that life is a strange gift that gives strangely. I know that I can’t expect to receive anything but what I expect. So I will throw my doors wide and move out into this weird and baffling life and try to leave my fear at home. I know the price of living with hurt and fear too well. I will no longer feed them and maybe they will go live somewhere else.

I will be trying to write and create more often as my school and work schedule allows. I just have a more positive outlook when I am able to put some ideas out into the world. Here is what I wrote when I started my blog and I can’t think of how to improve on it as a mission statement. I got blown off course and now that the wind is dying down a bit, I’ll put out my sails and see where it will take me. If you want you can check on where this thing is going from time to time. I am aiming for some places that are not on the map which I misplaced a while ago.  Getting lost is the best way to get somewhere you haven’t been anyway, and I am so ready for that.

This entry was posted in All part of the process, change, discovery and recovery, mindworks, my life, paying attention, thinking in words, whereever you go there you are, wonder world and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Working My Way Back to Wonder

  1. sptamisty says:

    Good for you! Everything you’ve said here expresses places I’ve been in my life… I am SO pleased to read that you’re coming out of those shadows, seeking the wonder again. I too believe there is beauty in the gloom, though I prefer brighter inspiration. And while it is true that if not for the dark, we would not appreciate the light… sometimes a little less dark would be nice! Keep seeking the marvelous, the beautiful, the amazing, and you will find it…. 🙂

    • randomyriad says:

      Thanks, I spent my school break changing my living situation. It is definitely an improvement. I am looking forward to getting back to finishing this PTA thing. I can’t believe it has been only less than a month and yet so short a break. I have been so busy.

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