It is amazing how quickly I get out of the habit of just putting words together on paper or a screen. I have been writing bits of things here and there for work, but mostly I have just been overwhelmed by mild illness combined with complications at work. I am losing my assistant, and we were going through licensing. I have been having slightly disturbing almost mundane dreams about work for the last two weeks. My creative imagination has been busy solving transition problems both with my students and staff. Besides I love my assistant, but she must fly into her own future. I will have to make do with a new assistant, who is working out fine, but will not be the fiery furnace of ideas that Sarah was. This might calm things down a little in the class. Having two wacky creative types in the same room leaves a lot of holes in the routine. Cheryl, my number two assistant who now is stepping into the number one role, brings a lot of thoughtful depth to our work, and I am feeling like the class will not suffer a reduction of quality. It is a change. I will be training a new number two. She is so gentle and thoughtful and already on top of so many things that this will not be a huge task.
The main thing is that I forgot again that writing and art energize me. So I was creeping through the crud of this lingering virus and trying to just think through things without writing. This is always a big mistake for me. I need to put some words together into sentences around some thinking. It is part of my process. It is my recharger. But, the problem is I am naturally a procrastinator and the more I procrastinate the higher the wall I have to climb to get to the words. I built a high wall, and just today had enough energy to get over it. I am going to try to write everyday at least in my journal so this doesn’t happen again. My current job takes a lot of thinking in ways that I am not used to and drains a lot of my creative energy. But I think if I just write consistently, as well as draw and read and think, I will have more energy to do all of work and play that keeps my life feeling even and flowing. Words help my life flow. I will be the river and the ideas turning into words will be the rain that fills me.