I recently read an article that included the words from a poster. The article was interesting, but these words stuck with me more.
THERE ARE THREE KINDS OF PEOPLE, the poster read.
Those who MAKE things happen.
Those who WATCH things happen.
And those who WONDER what happened.
I think that I would like to be all three people, making my life what I want it to be, paying attention as it is unfolding, and learning from what I experience. I have been too much in the watching and wondering group most of my life and not involved enough in the making part.
For the last month and a half, I have been hibernating, an odd behavior for summer. I keep trying to wake up and get my life going again only to fall back into slacking and dealing with mundane chores, just sleep walking through my days. Mostly I have been trying to make adjustments to a new lifestyle that is not centered around a job. I have been reading and watching some interesting movies, mostly Italian movies of the post WWII period, De Sica, Rossellini, Fellini and others, but not writing, drawing, or planning my life in any significant way. I have read and heard that sleep and dreams are a way for the body to assimilate sensory input and concepts from the day, form connections and make adjustments between neurons and brain/body connections. In a way I think a similar process has been at work even during my waking hours this summer. Now suddenly I am awake and ideas and plans are popping in my head. Inspiration comes to me from dreams, books, and my life again on a conscious level. I don’t have to make myself do things. I am writing and drawing, planning projects and making a structure to hang my new life on.
I am in a hiring process for a part time position at a small school. This has been motivating me to look at how to shape my days, what rhythm and flow will make my life work more for me, keep me inspired and moving, connecting with other lives. I think optimally I would like to work part time at a job I do well and that feeds me, leaving me with time to create and do the things that need to get done to keep our life together. I would like a job that I don’t need a car to get to. That removes a lot of pressure to maintain two aging cars. I would like a job that reconnects my with my community and gives me a feeling of belonging. My last job gave me a feeling of belonging to a team but not to a community as it was 60 miles away from my home. I want to work where I live. I had most of this with the job I had at the Coop School before it closed but our financial situation made for a lot of stress. We are doing alright financially now that Mary is a nurse and working full time.
I am really starting to wake up. My dreams have become very rich and deep. Ideas are connecting from many sources of input, and I am drawing and writing without struggling to overcome drowsy inertia. Whether I am able to get the job or not I am now awake and ready to begin putting together my new life. I am not sure why I was shut down for so long processing what happened. I did a lot of pointless mulling. I have come to the conclusion that life is too short for too much mulling. I have processed the last year or so, made my adjustments, and done my yawning and stretching. I am awake and ready to go out and make my life what I want it to be.
This is what I will be doing to keep myself awake and moving:
1) Writing and Drawing: I will write a little very time I have a few minutes: Whenever I sit down to my desk or am waiting for something. I will take my journal everywhere I go. I will go through my journals of the last month and half and combine what I have written with my new insights and publish what I come up with here. I am hoping for 3 or 4 blogs a week..
2) Blogging is definitely a part of my process. It kind of went away when I went into my lifestyle coma and now I have to get this part of my creative process back into shape.
3)I will organize my space and ideas and make my materials and tools accessible. I will go back and reread my unfinished writing and start editing. I also have to go through my files and possessions, sort and sift. reorganize and get rid of the useless clutter. My life has been so busy and not here for the last year, I haven’t even had the time to look at the stuff I moved out of the Coop school and from the previous house last August. Now I have a bunch of boxes of things that I hastily packed from my last job to go through.
4) I will find a job that fits in with my new situation and adds to my inspiration and connects me to my community rather than adding stress and limiting my ability to be a part of the life of the community I live in.
My overall goal is to bring my life back home and simplify it. I want to live, work and create from one place for a while so that I can get a better idea of what direction I am facing and where the next step will take me.