Grounding the Current

I am building and gathering my creative energy trying to develop focus and connection with community. Every day I feel more alive like the spring is injecting itself into my body giving me an almost electric feeling, but I also feel like I need to build some new foundations and purpose to ground my energy, building new skills and relearning those of my communication skills that have gone dormant due to isolation.

Today I kind of staggered and stuttered my way through a couple of social interactions in a gathering at my church. A woman, who knew my partner and worked with her on a couple of projects. expressed her feelings of appreciation for Roberta as someone she admired for her courage in the face of her huge health and mobility obstacles. Although I felt overwhelmed, I was able to hang in there and appreciate Berta along with her, though not as articulately as I would have liked. But I was able to remain in the situation and respond to it without totally checking out like I have been recently. I will get better at this talking with people, building new relationships and renewing established ones. I will need to plant some roots so I don’t go flying off when someone gets close to points of discomfort.

Writing about it helps me to process all these complicated feelings, helps me feel more secure, planted in my present, and able to face the past, looking toward the future with a more open mind. The process grounds me in what is going on, clearing away all the agitated thinking that won’t allow me to see all the options available and, therefore, all the opportunities to use my energy in positive and creative ways.

I continue to try to experience everything moment to moment building one step at a time, trying not to worry about where I end up. I know that the more I can stay creative and grounded the smoother the path will be.