Two Snow Day Bus Rides

12/16

Today I  trudged through the snow to the bus stop and ride to work rather than risk the steep hill in our only car. Ice still rules the world and will continue to do so for at least another week.

I missed the closer bus, and so had to walk a mile down the icy hill in the predawn dark watching carefully for glimmer of slick ice, to another bus stop. A man with a scarf over his face came up as I was waiting.

“Yesterday the bus was 20 minutes late. Finally I had to cross the street to stand in a sunny patch so I wouldn’t turn into a popsicle.” We waited as the cloudy sky slowly lightened into  gray daylight.

The bus came  and we crowded in, a standing room only.  I guess a lot of other people feel safer having someone else drive in these conditions. After one more bus ride and a 1/2 mile walk I was at work only 15 minutes late.

12/17

Bus Notes On My Way to Work:

Sipping from a purple metallic travel cup, she studies an Illustrated French/English dictionary. A scarf protects her lower face. Her head is covered with a green and gray striped cap with a green yarn tassel suspended from the top.  Outside the snowy city slips and slides and bounces as the bus moves and stops.

She checks her phone, making calls, but no one answers. She pulls down the scarf and takes another sip from the cup and goes back to studying the dictionary, glancing every now and then at the icy road in front of the bus.  After a few minutes she puts the book away and concentrates, with a blank expression on the road ahead and whatever is in the cup. I hope it is something warm and comforting, something a person needs in hard white world of winter.

Posted in Bus Writing, can't really complain but, paying attention, thinking in words, winter, working world | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The Word for World is Ice

Somewhere in the world the sun shines gently and warm breezes shift the edges of curtains through windows open to the morning.

Somewhere the afternoon sun forces people into the shade and the air ripples over pavement like blurred glass.

Here the world has turned hard and white. Like a bony fist crushes in and covers the land, squeezing the living warmth out the weak and unsheltered.

Still I must go out into the ice-fist world. Slowed to a crawl, I will move in the world with painstaking care. At every turn a decision I would normally make without thinking now becomes a process. Should I take the bus or drive? If I drive which path will be the safest or even possible? Most of these choices will be made without enough specific information to actually make a difference in the end. I will either get through the day without any major mishaps or not. I will either get to the things that should be done or not. Winter brings the world into focus and makes me think of what is absolutely necessary. What do I need to get done? Or at the extreme what is actually possible? Each little step is taken with caution feeling for invisible slippery patches that could mean discomfort, delay or disaster.

Even with these obstacles and dangers, I will make my way through the day. I must risk disaster in order to stay warm and fed. I must venture forth into the ice so that I can come home and prepare for tomorrow which will probably be even colder.

Posted in All part of the process, can't really complain but, thinking in words, winter, working world | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Let Sparks Fly

There is art in everything I do, some spark of spiritual creativity. This does not always blend well with “real” world activities. Documentation suffers, and I am often left saddened by the mundane way in which people approach life. Life is magical and weird and should be treated this way. I cannot help but go through with my eyes wide open to all the possibilities. Fear is the only enemy.

This does not mean I am a thrill seeker or risk my life constantly. There are possibilities in every conversation and interaction with people or animals or inanimate objects. I understand the value of objective observation and data, but if it is left without any feeling, if no one is inspired by the results then it is dead and useless. Inspiration is the key and breath of life for all study, relationships, or just plain day to day moving in the world. Keep your mind open and a spark might fly in and set the whole system on fire. This happens to people all the time. This is what I live for. The other stuff is just being ready to catch the sparks when they fly.

Posted in All part of the process, developing relationships, make your own world, paying attention, philosophy, seeds of chimera, Teaching and Learning, thinking in words, wonder world, working world | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Winter Thoughts Early

I

My wife and I are trying to work out the logistics of having just one car. It wearies me to think of extra accommodations to do a job that already consumes more than its fair share of my life. The complications are threatening to overwhelm me. I find myself locked in a prison of mundane details while important details drop out here and there randomly.

II

Winter is closing in on me, all the while, dark, cold, and damp, discomfort and melancholy. I refuse to fight it this year. I will let its darkness wash over me and leave me, like a rock in the surf, a little more polished but mostly unchanged.

III

People tend to operate in the world as if they are the protagonists of their universe. It mostly makes sense to live that way. In reality, the universe has no protagonists. It is random and neutral, and the whole of human endeavor absurd. But to operate as though the universe is neutral is nearly impossible and ultimately does not matter as courage itself is a construct of cultural imagination. It may be more humane to yourself and others to seek refuge in the illusion of heroic action. There is nothing wrong with alleviating suffering either yours or someone else’s. In fact it is the only cause that is worthwhile and valuable. Keeping living things from suffering is the only action that actually makes sense. At least that’s how I am thinking today. I told you winter was getting to me.

Posted in can't really complain but, change, Family, philosophy, thinking in words, winter, working world | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

How Do You Know You Are Who You Think You Are?

Cover of "Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman"

Cover of Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman

Are you still the same person you were yesterday or last week or just a subtle changeling? If you lose your reference points in life (relationships, job, home, routine, people who know you) are you still the same person?

It is the feeling you get when you are on vacation in some strange place you haven’t been before, and meet a person who is completely new, but you both totally understand each other. It could happen. Or you quit your job and get a new one and start interacting with a completely new group of people. Are you exactly the same around them as you were with the people you used to work with, or do you shift into a different self? And furthermore does any continuous you or me exist, or is it just an illusion that we are conditioned as members of a certain culture to maintain? I am sure that as a part of a different culture a certain person would behave and react to events differently, just as  a person when placed in new surroundings and circumstances will change behaviors. Think of people who completely change when they get behind the wheel of a car, or at a party, or in the middle of a battle or intense competition. Which is the continuous person? I often hear people say, “That’s not like him at all!” Maybe it is more like him than the other stuff. I can’t even tell all the time about myself, so how can I know about someone else.

For more on this consult Franz Kafka, Huruki Murakami, Albert Camus among many others.

I am reading Blind Willow Sleeping Woman by Murakami, a collection of 24 short stories many of which deal with these and other questions of our supposed reality, and it is making me think about who I am and what makes me who I am. Very interesting? Maybe not? But I can’t help it. It’s probably just me.

Posted in All part of the process, Check this out, Other peoples words, philosophy, Questions and riddles, seeds of chimera, thinking in words, whereever you go there you are | Tagged , , | Leave a comment