My Bright Summer Made Winter by My Discontent

Last summer I was working 2 jobs, volunteering at the hospital so I could get into a training program for physical therapist assistant, and trying to keep my marriage together. I have not had a real vacation in, well, since I lived in California, so many years ago I can’t remember accurately. I miss vacations were we actually stayed in one place for more than a day. Writing does not occur on vacations with children in my experience. Vacations are not about doing the things you normally do. I did some journal writing, but not much else.

Now I wish I had a week just to sort out my life without all this working and school and life’s wonderful richness and challenge coming at me every second. I managed a couple of days of just being this weekend, but that has cost me a lot in terms of the amount of school work I have to catch up on. I have figured out that I need a more positive attitude about my life, but I already suspected that. I know my life doesn’t suck half as much as I think it does at the moment. I am always looking back and saying, “what the heck was I complaining about then. Things were not that bad.” Someday I will be able to do that present tense with a bit more joy. I think I may start today, though it is going to take a lot of sunshine to brighten up this oubliette I have sunk myself into. Still I think it’s worth the effort. If I could just find a loose brick in the corner and crawl out for a little while, there might be something glorious and mundanely obvious that can help me stay out of the dark for a while.

This entry was posted in All part of the process, can't really complain but, Family, hidden places, internal landscape, mindworks, my life, personal history, summer, thinking in words, visions from the dark side and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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