Last summer I was working 2 jobs, volunteering at the hospital so I could get into a training program for physical therapist assistant, and trying to keep my marriage together. I have not had a real vacation in, well, since I lived in California, so many years ago I can’t remember accurately. I miss vacations were we actually stayed in one place for more than a day. Writing does not occur on vacations with children in my experience. Vacations are not about doing the things you normally do. I did some journal writing, but not much else.
Now I wish I had a week just to sort out my life without all this working and school and life’s wonderful richness and challenge coming at me every second. I managed a couple of days of just being this weekend, but that has cost me a lot in terms of the amount of school work I have to catch up on. I have figured out that I need a more positive attitude about my life, but I already suspected that. I know my life doesn’t suck half as much as I think it does at the moment. I am always looking back and saying, “what the heck was I complaining about then. Things were not that bad.” Someday I will be able to do that present tense with a bit more joy. I think I may start today, though it is going to take a lot of sunshine to brighten up this oubliette I have sunk myself into. Still I think it’s worth the effort. If I could just find a loose brick in the corner and crawl out for a little while, there might be something glorious and mundanely obvious that can help me stay out of the dark for a while.