Dreams, Memory and Moving into the Moment

The problem I have with my dreams is that they often highlight events and incidents in my life that I, if I had been more mindful and intentional, could have handled more positively, actually building better relationships rather than weakening my connections with people I cared about. That is all right, but the timing sucks in that I have no way to correct those mistakes. It is like my mind is haunting me.

I do see a good side to these visions of my wannabe forgotten gallery of failure. I get fresh inspiration to develop my sense of presence in the moment as an integrated part of unfolding relationships. If my mind allowed me to just cherry-pick my successes or only the memories that bring me pleasure, then I will not be as driven to develop my attention to the only part of my life I can change, the emergent and momentary present.

Yesterday I was dealing with a patient, a fairly young woman as far as my clientele’s usual age range, whose main issue was that she was trapped in a prison of smaller and smaller expectations of effort and inability to push herself beyond the walls of comfort, and so had grown afraid of any activity or choice that might be unpleasant or require some will. I had an hour to work with her and within the first 10 minutes, I was feeling frustrated at her lack of ambition and will to improve her life. I was about to dismiss her as hopeless.

Then I recalled a dream I had of one of the many times I had been less than patient with my daughter when she was feeling hopeless. I think that is something I figured out as a preschool teacher that my reactions were often a mirror of how the person I was dealing with was feeling. So I just took a deep breath and step by little step began to work on minimal activities which would allow her to see a path forward. I did not get done what I had planned to do with her, but she took a few baby steps toward the light. I still felt frustrated that not much had been accomplished when we had so few minutes to make an impact on her recovery, but I left an opening for our next session. I did not injure our working relationship by allowing my frustration to force her to shut down the process completely. Maybe, tiny steps are all she can handle right now and we will have to leave a lot unfinished on her road to a more active life. But that is often how it goes in my work. I rarely see more than the beginning of the process and the stepping stones that lead into the imagined future.