What a Long Strange Year It Has Been

Posted on December 31, 2010 by randomyriad

Illustrated World/ December 2010

This has been a year of great change around here, and probably for many families. Some years are just like that. I lost my job and found another one almost as good. My lovely wife graduated from nursing school and got an exciting part time job helping mentally ill people and then, just last week, got a full-time job in a long term care facility, which she is looking forward to starting on Monday. We moved all of our family(all 5 of us including the one who was living independently), into a three bedroom, one bath house, because for reasons not entirely clear our ex-landlord told us we had to move. Now, after my daughter moved into university housing and my oldest moved back out on his own, my wife, my youngest, and I are living in this much more pleasant house. It is much more urban and noisy, but we have no little furry creatures roaming our walls which are now actually insulated so winter doesn’t join us on the inside of the house. Our children have all made a big step into there adult lives in very positive ways. They continue to thrive and become people we like to be around and respect. That is probably enough to make this year a good year.

I am reading through my journal and posts from the last year to put things in proper order help me remember the little events that seemed big at the time. I think I will take the next 12 days to write a little about each month from my now perspective in order to put some closure on it all and feel the coming year flowing out of the past. I think it will be a great year. Although there are a few weird lingering affects staggering from the year that has been into our new one, the prospects for a good year are visible. I intend to approach this year in a cautiously positive way, and hope that works out. I think it will. I just know not to count on anything good or bad being as actually good or bad as it seems when I first come across it and to be open to learning from whatever comes along. I am starting this year with a thriving family, a good job, and a good attitude which if I can just keep it going will make a heck of a good year by my count.


Posted in All part of the process, can't really complain but, change, Collage, discovery and recovery, Family, House and home, mindworks, my life, paying attention, the end is the beginning, thinking in words, working world | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Working with Mindi

Posted on December 22, 2010 by randomyriad

I was going through my old document files this morning and found some notes I had written while I was working at Head Start a few years ago. I had the amazing experience of working with a young woman who is about the same age as my own children but of very different background. She is the oldest daughter of a large Punjabi family and grew up on a farm. She likes fast food and hates the smell that lingers in a house where curry is cooked often. She drove a black pick-up and kept it shiny. She wore blue jeans and t-shirts most of the time, and I never saw her wear a dress. She showed us a few pictures of her at a wedding wearing traditional Punjabi dress, I cannot make an image in my mind of Mindi in a dress. She was spoiled and put upon and nurtured by her family, and somehow this combination produced a very well balanced person who moves comfortably with complete integrity in two very different cultures.

Though my job as teacher for this agency was not always great, working with Mindi was one of the things that made the experience worthwhile. Here is what I wrote at some point in the 4 years I worked with her. It helps me to remember the positive parts of those difficult years. I wonder what she is up to these days. Whatever it is she will bring to it her impeccable sense of self that makes where she decides to be a better place for anybody who is paying attention. It is how she moves in the world, and how she allows the world moves around her.

Mindi

I have had the same assistant for three years. When I first met her I knew she was formidable. Mindi is the eye of the storm and remains herself in the swirling gale. She sets her domain and then extends the borders in microscopic increments slowly to include the things that make her uncomfortable.

She was so upset one time when a child she was dealing with fell and hit her head. She could have moved slower and more deliberately, and she was frustrated at the time. So she thought the head bump was her fault even though she had handled the whole thing well and actually prevented the child from injuring herself more. She asked me my opinion, and I told her that she had handled the situation well and that children can surprise you no matter how thoughtful your work is. I helped her with the accident report and talking with the parent. Mostly, I was just present and reminded her of  what she had done right. As she left at the end of her workday I could tell that she was still dwelling on what she could have done better. She does not seek perfection- she expects it and is upset when she makes mistakes even the ones that everyone else makes.

She is tall and brown and farm grown with a giggle and fear of worms and bugs. She does not talk about her friends or relationships beyond her family. She makes it very clear that her family is the most important part of her life. Her music is pop and country, and she plays it for everyone. Like any other self-possessed youth she does not ask of anyone else’s preferences, but for Mindi, I would listen to anything. I wander around doing my job and make little comments about the silly songs which she mostly ignores. I would not even think to have her change the station or choose my music over hers. She is the Punjab princess of her domain,the big sister. She is the keeper of the places of all things. She makes herself indispensable to those she chooses and unapproachable to those she avoids.

She ran over her puppy as she backed out of her driveway on her way to work one day and honestly told the story to all who would hear it not worrying about how she would appear in the story. She cried whenever she told the story. After she cries, when she smiles, I have to turn away for the beauty of it. She wears thick black glasses that rest on the slender roundness of her dark face.  The thick frames disappear before the perfection of her expression. She is all gentle strength and motherly, but silly and flighty at the same time. She gives herself in friendship to those who honestly work with her. She treats me like a father/uncle, which makes me feel protective of her and makes me want to push her to make decisions I see as right, though I know she is the only one who can tell the right path for her. She is solid to me like a wall to lean on. I only lean a little, now and then, because I am not much of leaner, more like I give her room to expand as far as she wants to in her role. Whatever is left, I keep together.

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In Motion

Posted on December 21, 2010 by randomyriad

Hard Roundness forms undercut

grasps and clings to darker patches

Locked in the knot

unable to fall back

slowly spread onto cushion night

steel light beyond

waits the glint of a blade

shivers of radiance

on waves at dawn

blood in my body stretches

a band, taught, struck vibrates

quivers a note

fades lower into silence

shifting of feet on gravel

dimly deeper, the path appears as I step

balanced on the thin edge of now.

Posted in All part of the process, capturing light, mindworks, paying attention, poetry, Walking | Tagged | Leave a comment

Anatomy: A Personal Tour #4

Posted on December 20, 2010 by randomyriad

I

Examining the Lower Body Down to the Toes

Knead a round cheek of the buttocks with the whole hand. Feel for the large muscles and bones under the muscle. Move the leg up and down to feel the muscles contract and bones shift.

Put a hand on either hip and move them into the middle on the back along the upper edge of the hipbone. Note the dimple where the spine attaches to lower bones.

Run the fingers down between the cheeks of the buttocks, probing the anus gently. Push one finger gently and superficially into the anus and notice the sensation. Note how it tightens around the finger.

Broadly grasp and knead the outside of the upper thigh next to the pubic area pushing deep to feel the large bone under the heavy musculature.

Place a hand on the thigh next to the genitals, the thumb in between the inner part of the thigh and the genitals.

Move the hand down the leg to the knee squeezing every few inches. Note that the bones underneath are covered by deep layers of fat and mostly muscle.

Place your hand on the inside of the thigh so that the back of your hand touches the genital area. Knead the area all the way up to where the hip joins the body feeling for bones and tendons.

Move down the hand down to the knee extending and raising the leg to feel tendons and muscles work.

Explore your genitalia and pubic area, gently grasping, penetrating and manipulating the various structures noting sensations and changes in firmness and shape. Continue with stimulation as long as is comfortable note changes in breathing, heart rate, and other changes in other areas of the body and any discharge or changes in the genitalia.

Put a hand on the knee. Feel down the front with one finger and thumb until reaching the top of the shin.

With the foot pointed down, run an extended hand down the shin to the ankle.

Lift the foot into the normal standing position and feel the large tendon in front of the shin shift.

Explore the hollow at the back of the knee. Place fingers one tendon edge and thumb on the other. Extend and bend the leg.

Cup the top of the knee in a hand and extend and bend the leg again to feel the joint work.

Squeeze the upper part of the large muscle at the top of the calf and slide the hand down pushing the heel up and relaxing to feel the muscle work as the hand moves.

Proceed down to the two bony knobs on the ankle just above the foot.

Find the Achilles tendon at the back of the ankle. Pinch it gently and rotate the foot.

Run the fingers over the upper surface of the foot as it flexes. Feel the bones and tendons that extend into the toes.

Note the shape and flexibility of the toes and the shape and hardness of the toenails.

Run two fingers over the bottom of the feet note the hard thick calluses that had formed over years of walking as well as the continued sensitivity of the skin.

Note the position and shape of the toes on the bottom of the foot. Curl them and see how they overlap.

Use the toes to pick up a marble or pencil or larger or smaller items from the floor and move them to the hand.

With two fingers, follow the inner edge of the big toe bone up to the top of the foot apply pressure to feel the pulse so distant from the heart.

II

Conclusion

This is the set of tools I have at my disposal, at least the ones I carry with me naturally and use of everyday as a physical human being. There are many more internal structures that I use every day are difficult to access in a practical way, as well as intellectual, spiritual and intuitive skills and attributes I am always making use of which are time consuming and difficult to isolate in a meaningful way. I will continue to explore the structures of human existence as they pertain to me, and let you know when I find something worth sharing.  I will also be exploring and relating my further journeys through this lifetime as I move this conglomeration of human flesh and the complex combination of beliefs, ideas and dreams that make up my conscious and unconscious mind onward into whatever unexplored regions remain within the limited range of my small existence.

Posted in All part of the process, bodyworks, mindworks, paying attention, Self-Experiments, thinking in words | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Anatomy: A Personal Tour #3

Posted on December 19, 2010 by randomyriad

The Arms and Hands

Press finger and thumb against the bony bulges on either side of the back of the elbow. Extend the elbow to feel how these points line up with the point of the elbow.

Rotate the elbow so that the palm is up. Use two fingers to explore the inside of the elbow joint. Feel the triangular gap in the muscles just down from the joint. While pressing this area with two fingers, feel the tendon there bulge as the arm is bent. Place the thumb in the triangular space and rotate the arm as if turning a doorknob. Feel the bone underneath rotate in the joint.

Grasp the meaty part of the back of the hand. Squeeze and massage the muscle. Bend the hand up and down to feel them contract.

Move down the arm squeezing firmly with a whole hand while flexing the fingers at the end of the arm. Use the thumb and forefinger to examine the bony protuberances at just before the hand. With the fist flexed, feel the tendons to wrist on the palm side.

Find the artery on the outside edge below the thumb and just inside the of the bump of bone. Placing two fingers and pressing, count beats for 10 seconds.

Spread the fingers of one hand. With two fingers of the other hand, feel the edge of the bone just below the lowest thumb joint toward the middle of the back of the hand.

Move down the bone to the wrist. While making a fist, place two fingers across the back of the hand and notice the movement of the ridges of tendons close under the skin when the hand is spread.

With thumb and forefinger pinch the fleshy part of the hand in between the thumb and forefinger of the other hand and the rest of the palm.

Examine the intricate web of lines of on the palm with the hand spread open.

Then make a cup of the hand by drawing in the thumb and overlapping and curling the fingers up. Fill the hand with a liquid and drink.

Close the hand into a fist by curling the fingers to the base of the palm and folding the thumb over the backs of the fingers. Strike the other hands relaxed palm with the fist, noting its firm force.

Examine each finger.

Move the hand and fingers in many ways, rotating and extending digits, flexing and bending in various ways.

Touch the tip of the thumb to the tip of each finger.

Manipulate two balls with the fingers and thumb in the palm of the hand.

Remove the cap of a pen , place the cap on the back of the pen and replace it over the point all using only one hand.

Shuffle a deck of cards.

Grasp an already cracked eggshell and rotate it between fingers and thumb without breaking it further.

Pick up a single strand of hair using finger and thumb.

Flip a coin and catch it with the same hand.

Open a jar.

Type on a keyboard or play the piano.

As you do these things note the complex, flexible and subtle structure of the hand.

Finally look and feel the fingernails, and rub the edges across the back of the other hand, noting the semi-sharp hardness.

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