Working with Mindi

Posted on December 22, 2010 by randomyriad

I was going through my old document files this morning and found some notes I had written while I was working at Head Start a few years ago. I had the amazing experience of working with a young woman who is about the same age as my own children but of very different background. She is the oldest daughter of a large Punjabi family and grew up on a farm. She likes fast food and hates the smell that lingers in a house where curry is cooked often. She drove a black pick-up and kept it shiny. She wore blue jeans and t-shirts most of the time, and I never saw her wear a dress. She showed us a few pictures of her at a wedding wearing traditional Punjabi dress, I cannot make an image in my mind of Mindi in a dress. She was spoiled and put upon and nurtured by her family, and somehow this combination produced a very well balanced person who moves comfortably with complete integrity in two very different cultures.

Though my job as teacher for this agency was not always great, working with Mindi was one of the things that made the experience worthwhile. Here is what I wrote at some point in the 4 years I worked with her. It helps me to remember the positive parts of those difficult years. I wonder what she is up to these days. Whatever it is she will bring to it her impeccable sense of self that makes where she decides to be a better place for anybody who is paying attention. It is how she moves in the world, and how she allows the world moves around her.

Mindi

I have had the same assistant for three years. When I first met her I knew she was formidable. Mindi is the eye of the storm and remains herself in the swirling gale. She sets her domain and then extends the borders in microscopic increments slowly to include the things that make her uncomfortable.

She was so upset one time when a child she was dealing with fell and hit her head. She could have moved slower and more deliberately, and she was frustrated at the time. So she thought the head bump was her fault even though she had handled the whole thing well and actually prevented the child from injuring herself more. She asked me my opinion, and I told her that she had handled the situation well and that children can surprise you no matter how thoughtful your work is. I helped her with the accident report and talking with the parent. Mostly, I was just present and reminded her of  what she had done right. As she left at the end of her workday I could tell that she was still dwelling on what she could have done better. She does not seek perfection- she expects it and is upset when she makes mistakes even the ones that everyone else makes.

She is tall and brown and farm grown with a giggle and fear of worms and bugs. She does not talk about her friends or relationships beyond her family. She makes it very clear that her family is the most important part of her life. Her music is pop and country, and she plays it for everyone. Like any other self-possessed youth she does not ask of anyone else’s preferences, but for Mindi, I would listen to anything. I wander around doing my job and make little comments about the silly songs which she mostly ignores. I would not even think to have her change the station or choose my music over hers. She is the Punjab princess of her domain,the big sister. She is the keeper of the places of all things. She makes herself indispensable to those she chooses and unapproachable to those she avoids.

She ran over her puppy as she backed out of her driveway on her way to work one day and honestly told the story to all who would hear it not worrying about how she would appear in the story. She cried whenever she told the story. After she cries, when she smiles, I have to turn away for the beauty of it. She wears thick black glasses that rest on the slender roundness of her dark face.  The thick frames disappear before the perfection of her expression. She is all gentle strength and motherly, but silly and flighty at the same time. She gives herself in friendship to those who honestly work with her. She treats me like a father/uncle, which makes me feel protective of her and makes me want to push her to make decisions I see as right, though I know she is the only one who can tell the right path for her. She is solid to me like a wall to lean on. I only lean a little, now and then, because I am not much of leaner, more like I give her room to expand as far as she wants to in her role. Whatever is left, I keep together.

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In Motion

Posted on December 21, 2010 by randomyriad

Hard Roundness forms undercut

grasps and clings to darker patches

Locked in the knot

unable to fall back

slowly spread onto cushion night

steel light beyond

waits the glint of a blade

shivers of radiance

on waves at dawn

blood in my body stretches

a band, taught, struck vibrates

quivers a note

fades lower into silence

shifting of feet on gravel

dimly deeper, the path appears as I step

balanced on the thin edge of now.

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Anatomy: A Personal Tour #4

Posted on December 20, 2010 by randomyriad

I

Examining the Lower Body Down to the Toes

Knead a round cheek of the buttocks with the whole hand. Feel for the large muscles and bones under the muscle. Move the leg up and down to feel the muscles contract and bones shift.

Put a hand on either hip and move them into the middle on the back along the upper edge of the hipbone. Note the dimple where the spine attaches to lower bones.

Run the fingers down between the cheeks of the buttocks, probing the anus gently. Push one finger gently and superficially into the anus and notice the sensation. Note how it tightens around the finger.

Broadly grasp and knead the outside of the upper thigh next to the pubic area pushing deep to feel the large bone under the heavy musculature.

Place a hand on the thigh next to the genitals, the thumb in between the inner part of the thigh and the genitals.

Move the hand down the leg to the knee squeezing every few inches. Note that the bones underneath are covered by deep layers of fat and mostly muscle.

Place your hand on the inside of the thigh so that the back of your hand touches the genital area. Knead the area all the way up to where the hip joins the body feeling for bones and tendons.

Move down the hand down to the knee extending and raising the leg to feel tendons and muscles work.

Explore your genitalia and pubic area, gently grasping, penetrating and manipulating the various structures noting sensations and changes in firmness and shape. Continue with stimulation as long as is comfortable note changes in breathing, heart rate, and other changes in other areas of the body and any discharge or changes in the genitalia.

Put a hand on the knee. Feel down the front with one finger and thumb until reaching the top of the shin.

With the foot pointed down, run an extended hand down the shin to the ankle.

Lift the foot into the normal standing position and feel the large tendon in front of the shin shift.

Explore the hollow at the back of the knee. Place fingers one tendon edge and thumb on the other. Extend and bend the leg.

Cup the top of the knee in a hand and extend and bend the leg again to feel the joint work.

Squeeze the upper part of the large muscle at the top of the calf and slide the hand down pushing the heel up and relaxing to feel the muscle work as the hand moves.

Proceed down to the two bony knobs on the ankle just above the foot.

Find the Achilles tendon at the back of the ankle. Pinch it gently and rotate the foot.

Run the fingers over the upper surface of the foot as it flexes. Feel the bones and tendons that extend into the toes.

Note the shape and flexibility of the toes and the shape and hardness of the toenails.

Run two fingers over the bottom of the feet note the hard thick calluses that had formed over years of walking as well as the continued sensitivity of the skin.

Note the position and shape of the toes on the bottom of the foot. Curl them and see how they overlap.

Use the toes to pick up a marble or pencil or larger or smaller items from the floor and move them to the hand.

With two fingers, follow the inner edge of the big toe bone up to the top of the foot apply pressure to feel the pulse so distant from the heart.

II

Conclusion

This is the set of tools I have at my disposal, at least the ones I carry with me naturally and use of everyday as a physical human being. There are many more internal structures that I use every day are difficult to access in a practical way, as well as intellectual, spiritual and intuitive skills and attributes I am always making use of which are time consuming and difficult to isolate in a meaningful way. I will continue to explore the structures of human existence as they pertain to me, and let you know when I find something worth sharing.  I will also be exploring and relating my further journeys through this lifetime as I move this conglomeration of human flesh and the complex combination of beliefs, ideas and dreams that make up my conscious and unconscious mind onward into whatever unexplored regions remain within the limited range of my small existence.

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Anatomy: A Personal Tour #3

Posted on December 19, 2010 by randomyriad

The Arms and Hands

Press finger and thumb against the bony bulges on either side of the back of the elbow. Extend the elbow to feel how these points line up with the point of the elbow.

Rotate the elbow so that the palm is up. Use two fingers to explore the inside of the elbow joint. Feel the triangular gap in the muscles just down from the joint. While pressing this area with two fingers, feel the tendon there bulge as the arm is bent. Place the thumb in the triangular space and rotate the arm as if turning a doorknob. Feel the bone underneath rotate in the joint.

Grasp the meaty part of the back of the hand. Squeeze and massage the muscle. Bend the hand up and down to feel them contract.

Move down the arm squeezing firmly with a whole hand while flexing the fingers at the end of the arm. Use the thumb and forefinger to examine the bony protuberances at just before the hand. With the fist flexed, feel the tendons to wrist on the palm side.

Find the artery on the outside edge below the thumb and just inside the of the bump of bone. Placing two fingers and pressing, count beats for 10 seconds.

Spread the fingers of one hand. With two fingers of the other hand, feel the edge of the bone just below the lowest thumb joint toward the middle of the back of the hand.

Move down the bone to the wrist. While making a fist, place two fingers across the back of the hand and notice the movement of the ridges of tendons close under the skin when the hand is spread.

With thumb and forefinger pinch the fleshy part of the hand in between the thumb and forefinger of the other hand and the rest of the palm.

Examine the intricate web of lines of on the palm with the hand spread open.

Then make a cup of the hand by drawing in the thumb and overlapping and curling the fingers up. Fill the hand with a liquid and drink.

Close the hand into a fist by curling the fingers to the base of the palm and folding the thumb over the backs of the fingers. Strike the other hands relaxed palm with the fist, noting its firm force.

Examine each finger.

Move the hand and fingers in many ways, rotating and extending digits, flexing and bending in various ways.

Touch the tip of the thumb to the tip of each finger.

Manipulate two balls with the fingers and thumb in the palm of the hand.

Remove the cap of a pen , place the cap on the back of the pen and replace it over the point all using only one hand.

Shuffle a deck of cards.

Grasp an already cracked eggshell and rotate it between fingers and thumb without breaking it further.

Pick up a single strand of hair using finger and thumb.

Flip a coin and catch it with the same hand.

Open a jar.

Type on a keyboard or play the piano.

As you do these things note the complex, flexible and subtle structure of the hand.

Finally look and feel the fingernails, and rub the edges across the back of the other hand, noting the semi-sharp hardness.

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Anatomy/ A Personal Tour #2

Posted on December 18, 2010 by randomyriad

Introduction

I continue my exploration of personal anatomy moving downward from the head. I realized after the first section that none of the exploration was visual because I did not use a mirror, and as I did not wish to touch my eyes I did not really experience much of them at all. I was thinking about what about eyes could be explored. So I include that in this section moving down below the head where I can use my eyes to see what I am examining.

Part I

Eyes and Imagination

Move from a lighted space into a dark space, and notice as the darkness begins to separate into greys and muted colors.

Quickly move to brightly lit space, or switch on a light source and notice the colored pattern of tiny lollipop shapes that appears and fades as the surroundings come into focus.

Hold the index finger up a little away from the face at the level of the eyes and in the center between them. Note how much detail can noticed. Close one eye and quickly switch to the other eye, and alternate this a few times. With both eyes open move the finger toward the eyes in the center. Now quickly shift the visual focus to an object more than an arm length distant and continue focusing on it while moving the finger away from the eyes to the original location. Feel the strain of the muscles in the eye as they shift.

Move the finger to one side without moving the head until it is out of the field of vision, move it a little back and forth to locate an exact point where the finger disappears. Repeat these actions on the other side.

Toss a small ball up over 5 feet two times attempting to catch it both times, first with eyes open and then, on the second toss, closing the eyes as the ball begins to descend.

Look carefully around, noticing the range of tones of color and subtle gradations from bright to black the eyes perceive.

Close the eyes and make a mental picture of something studied for a short time. Make a mental movie of someone you don’t know handling the object.

Recall a song you know well. Imagine a  person singing that song and dancing while holding the object.

Remember a dream you had recently. Think about how these images and sounds are produced and perceived.

Part II

Back, Abdomen, Chest and Arms

Place the fingers of one hand in between the top of the shoulder blades and the fingers of the other hand in the center of the back along the furrow.

Place a hand on the flat part of a shoulder in between the spine and armpit and shrug to feel the muscles stiffen just under the surface.

Feel the vertebrae as the back arches and twists. Feel them flex together. Touch each bump down to the tailbone, feeling the sides and spaces.

Touch where the ribs and the shoulder blades join the spine. Follow them out as they curve around to the chest.

Place the hands on the hips just above the fat and muscle of the buttocks feel back along ridge that runs from the hip to the tailbone at the lower part of the back. Feel the muscles contract and bulge as the spine straightens from a slightly bent position.

Take some deep breaths and feel the air come through the nose, down the throat and fill the lungs as the muscles of the diaphragm pulls away from the spine expanding the space in the center of the chest and then relaxing, letting it all fall back. Feel the air flow out through the lips and nose. Sit still until you can feel the heart beat just off the center to the left under the ribs.

Begin to explore the chest from the tongue shaped bone in the middle above the soft belly up to the hard triangular ridge notched at the base of the throat. As the fingers move up, feel the dent where the cartilage becomes bone.

Feel along the upside down V of the lower edge of the ribs. Push up from a flat surface with one arm, feeling the muscles of the chest contract.

Cup each breast in the hand and squeeze gently. Examine the nipple, stroking the tip gently with one finger. Note any sensations this causes or change of shape or firmness.

Once more rest hands on hips. Find the front of the top of the hipbones. Move the fingers along the ridges on either side into the middle until they end.

Move down a little and Press in the center deeply to feel the pubic bone. Locate the belly button and examine the knot of skin.

Lean back and sit up with hands on the abdomen to feel the sheets of muscles stiffen and bulge. Explore the musculature of the abdomen by kneading and pushing in various places below the sternum and above the hips as the upper body leans forward and back.

Cough with fingers placed on the side of the abdomen to feel the muscles bulge and relax.

Listen for sounds of the intestines at work.

Place a hand on the chest just above and to the outside of the nipple move it away from the center until it curves under the shoulder next to the upper arm. Notice the hair that grows at the base of downward facing pit.

Find the place where the chest muscles attach to the shoulder, and the ridge of back muscles behind that attach to the back of the shoulder.

Locate the top of the shoulder blade and follow it to the joint. In the center of this area, grasp the muscle and skin and squeeze as the hand ascends to the base of the neck.

Then find the collar bone just below the neck and, with two fingers, follow it out to the shoulder joint. Place a hand on top of the shoulder joint, and thrust the arm under the joint forward and rotate it around to feel the joint work. Feel the thick musculature between the skin and bone that forms the round part of the shoulder.

Grasp the large muscle on the front of the upper arm just below the shoulder and raise the hand up by bending the elbow. Feel the muscle shift upward. Feel the pulsation of the artery at the base of the muscle close to the bone as it is grasped between finger and thumb. Now grasp the back of the arm and press down ward on a surface to feel the muscle become firm and rippled.

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