Hamlet, The Hatter, and Wiley Cayote: My Cartoon Life Part II

Posted on July 12, 2010 by randomyriad
John Tenniel's illustration for "A Mad Te...

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The Mad Hatter‘s Riddle:

“Why is a raven like a writing desk?”

Hamlet‘s Cloud: Act III Scene II

Hamlet: Do you see yonder cloud, That’s almost in the shape of a camel.

Polonius: By the mass, and ’tis like a camel, indeed.

Hamlet: Me thinks it is like a weasel.

Polonius : It is backed like a weasel.

Hamlet: Or, like a whale?

Polonius: Very like a whale?

I have been reading Alice in Wonderland to one of my students at slow times during the long days, and reading a book called “the Whale” by Philip Hoare to myself at home. These two quotations from very different sources connected in my mind for some reason. Maybe because they are both madness disguised as normal conversation, or maybe there is a strange sense to it. Maybe you could figure it out if you tried hard enough. It is  like my life these days. On the surface things seem to be proceeding normally except everything is floating in the air and could come crashing down as soon as somebody decides to remember gravity. I feel like a cartoon character who overruns the cliff edge, but will not fall until he looks down. I am not looking down until I feel the solid earth under my feet. No way! I will not end up a puff of dust in the distant canyon depths. I will just keep my legs moving and hope I get to the other side before the bottom drops out.

I am sure there is an answer to the riddle if I could just think about it from the right angle. Maybe it has to do with ink stained quills or the sound of claws on paper. It seems to me a conversation about clouds could go much the same way. Once you see from the other person’s point of view you can usually see what they are talking about. And then again maybe it makes no sense and will all end in a mess at the bottom of the gorge as soon as I see the fatal flaw in my carefully constructed scenarios for the near future. But, until then I will just keep my eyes on the road that runs, with a few unbridged chasms here and there, through canyon country. I am sure it will all end with a stuttering pig saying “that’s all folks.”

Posted in All part of the process, can't really complain but, change, conversations, Family, Other peoples words, paying attention, philosophy, Questions and riddles, Teaching and Learning, Wacky World | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ups and Downs on the Cartoon Roller Coaster

Posted on July 11, 2010 by randomyriad
Kirnu, a steel roller coaster in Linnanmäki.

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So much is happening in my life now, and yet I am in a holding pattern waiting for the next anvil to fall. In short my life seems kind of cartoony, but nothing of substance has yet changed. We finally found a house to rent. It is not at all what we want, but, given the alternatives, it will do for now. Everything is temporary until Mary passes her nursing boards and gets a job. We will probably have to be temporary for about a year after that since all the good jobs are out of town, and she will be commuting long distance and staying away during her work week and returning here on her weekends, whatever days she gets off, which in nursing can be quite erratic.

I haven’t been writing much these days because my brain has been otherwise occupied. During the directors vacation, I have been trying to handle the administrative and financial aspects of the school, and feeling overwhelmed there. Now that she’s back I can go back to being just a teacher, which is enough. Then there was the house hunting, which Mary mostly handled, but her stress is usually becomes my stress. Now that has been resolved, she can go back to worrying about her test, getting a job and moving, and I can take some time to write a little.

It always happens this way. My life gets distracting and busy and I forget that writing helps me put it all in perspective. I sort things out better if I write about what is going on, because I have condense it all down into words. I have to actually sort things out. This goes here. That feeling goes with this thing. It all has to make some sort of sense, which it rarely does when it is all mashed up in my mind. In order to write about my life, I have to pull each item and feeling out and examine it and see how it fits with the other items and feelings in the mess.

I should write even when I can’t even think about writing because writing helps me think more clearly. I just have to get myself started. I have to push that boulder up the hill, so it can roll down the other side. That is what it feels like once I start pushing, at first it is a strain, but there comes a point where the words just start coming like rolling downhill, and stopping is the challenge. Maybe if I stop here, I will be able to have a little slope left to get started tomorrow. I can start out rolling and maybe get to some higher ground for the next day. This wild ride is not stopping anytime soon, I just have to use the downs to get me up so I can roll down again. Sounds crazy, but it just might work. I just have to remember not to stop in the middle of the valleys. If I can get half-way up a hill, I can see the top and imagine gliding down the other side. This is why I should write more. It helps me get to the hilltops so I can see where this cartoon roller coaster is taking me.

Posted in All part of the process, can't really complain but, change, discovery and recovery, Family, internal landscape, paying attention, thinking in words, Wacky World, working world | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Moving On/Getting Away from the Mice in the Walls

Posted on June 25, 2010 by randomyriad

This morning I woke up to the sound of gnawing. Tiny teeth were biting into the soft wood inside the wall of my bedroom. “What can I do about that?” I thought. If I bang on the wall I will wake Mary, and the mouse will either move to a new location or continue to gnaw after a short fear induced break. I have little control over the mice in the walls without resorting to poison which will negatively affect everyone in the house and end up with a lot of dead mice in the walls.

There are so many things in my life that seem to go this way. Parts of my life I have no control over. This is one of the reasons I want to be a writer or artist, to have control over my work and hours, but even then I would have to rely on publishers or patrons. And, I am too aware of the fact that I hate dealing with finances, taxes, etc.; all of that becomes so important when you are controlling your work and income. This also entails trusting myself not to forget important business oriented details which slip out of my mind randomly without notice. What is in front of me is not hard to remember. The little details that slide down behind the filing cabinets in my mind and eventually resurface after growing into large ugly problems. These are the beasties that I would do battle with if I were in control. Battles seem to be part of control, at least for someone like me. But maybe I would win (they have got to be easier to deal with than mice). I won’t really know until I try.

We, also, are currently renting and have been given 2 months to find a new rental. Renting is no way to have control over your life. Landlords have the control, and we end up having to move on short notice. Mary, for the most part, and I, somewhat, have been working to put ourselves in a position to buy a house. This is all part of Mary’s master plan to take control of her life: a good job (nurse) with an adequate income and a house that we own. I am fine with that as long as it is the house that is not controlling us. Neither one of us would be good at major repairs. We also need to be sure about the location, so we don’t end up having to sell a house as well as move.

I love my work with young children. But after 25 years in this occupation, I am still making a wage that I can’t support my family on. If I want to make more I have to go into administration which does not suit my skill set or temperament, and would require that I spend another 2 years in a graduate program in order to make a wage that many professionals start at. Mary however chose nursing which seems to be a good fit for her, and she will be making more in a starting position than I could make after more schooling. She is awesomely capable and confident and has finally found a profession that values her skills.

After many years of working for an agency that did not allow me to use my skills as an experienced educator,  I have found a wonderful school that gives me a lot of control over the curriculum. They trust me to use my 25 years of experience to set up a program that works for the students and families. The work has been satisfying and challenging. The most frustrating part of this arrangement is that with Mary still underemployed (but nicely finished with nursing school, yeah!), my income is crucial to keeping this household afloat. This situation is hopefully coming to an end in the next few months, and I can work less if I feel like exploring some new options or writing more, or art. Although, I would love to continue for many years at my present job. Who knows? The days will be more mine to seize. A real vacation now and then would be nice.

Although we still have to navigate these last difficult months of low income, Mary will find a job. She is so excited to get out there and try her new skills, nobody even with an army of wall gnawing mice could stop her. We will arrange our lives to accommodate the changes that will come with her new job. Eventually we will discover the direction our life will take. We are hoping to gain more stability and control as we move along. I am hoping to find more space to explore options and be creative. Anyway, I am sure a life without little gnawing jaws, no vacations, and flighty landlords will help my creative process immensely.

Posted in All part of the process, can't really complain but, change, House and home, make your own world, Teaching and Learning, the end is the beginning, thinking in words, working world | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

It’s Not the Words that Count

Posted on June 8, 2010 by randomyriad
Cover of "On The Road"

Cover of On The Road

“It’s not the words that count but the rush of truth which uses words for its purposes; as a virtuoso performing on his instrument may use any combination of the notes within a beat (the word) but it is the melody of the bar that matters. It’s not the design, but the picture; not the curve, but the form.”

Jack Kerouac, journals 1949

This quote was from the time when he was struggling to find a way to tell On The Road that fits with the immediacy of the story. He was looking for a way to write that could communicate his passion about the world and the people. He had just finished his first novel. He was in the middle of the final revisions and trying to accommodate his editors and keep his feeling of control. He wanted to find a way to write that needed no revision. He was trying to live and write and put his life into writing in a way that described his spiritual connection with the world. He probably came as close as anyone ever did to doing this. His writing in On The Road has a fresh and naive style that gives the feeling of true story told breathlessly, intimately.  He worked hard to develop a style that made him seem like a child. The words seem to come out without a plan without sophistication. He worked hard to show his innocent love for life. He did not worry very much about being judged, only to be successful as a writer, and to do this he knew he had to tell his stories in a way that denies his work ethic as a writer.

Posted in Other peoples words, Telling Stories, thinking in words | Tagged , | Leave a comment

101 in 1001: One Year Check In

Posted on June 5, 2010 by randomyriad

It has been one year since I started working on my 101 in 1001 list. I have had some successes, but I feel like I am slacking on many of the tasks. I have not felt very inspired this year. My big successes (taking 1001 photos,  inspiring 1001 works of art) are due to getting the good job I have now, which is also a completed item on my list, and while the working part of the job has been good, the financial part has been a bit rocky and stressful as the economic hard times have made getting paid a bit of a challenge.

I have been walking a lot this year and am well on my way to 1001 walking miles, but I have not fixed up my bicycle so my miles there are woefully short. I was able to get to work many times without my car with bike, bus and my own two feet. Getting to work is much easier than from work because of the uphill and long working day factors (did I mention that I live on the highest hill in town and my  work is at sea level).

I have read almost 50 books this year, but I am way behind on my writing. I have to somehow reinspire myself for writing fiction and poetry, though I have almost completed two journals this year (about 500 pages worth of drawing and writing). I feel pretty good about this.

I feel pretty optimistic about this year though as my wife finishes her 3 year ordeal in nursing school, and can start working more. I will be able to take more time from work to do some recharging. We are both a bit toasty at this point. Though the next few months are going to be a bit chaotic as she finds a job and we work out moving and logistics to accommodate this transition. Maybe I need to write more about this process. I, also, need to figure out what path I want to explore next. Do I want to commit writing and art or choose a better paying career to work in? While I am pondering these choices, it is clear I need to feel more inspired in my life and work. I am feeling beat and like I am slogging through it all.

Even with all the slogging the list has helped me to keep some priorities in mind and inspired me to keep my creative soul breathing. This coming year will be the year of accomplishment. No more hanging in there. I will be taking things on and crossing them off. Right here is another 500 words and a blog entry, and today another 50 kisses for my wife. This year is the year of getting things done.

Posted in All part of the process, Family, lists, paying attention, Self-Experiments, thinking in words, working world | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment