February 2011: Implications of Projected Realities in the Middle of a Long Winter

Posted on August 8, 2011 by randomyriad

when the inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner contradictions, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposite halves.

Aion: C. G. Jung

What I remember of February was mostly dark and confused, but that is usual for February, the longest and shortest month of the year.

February 1-28th

Obama Urges Faster Shift of Power in Egypt

Amr Abdallah Dalsh/Reuters

Hundreds of thousands of Egyptians crowded into Tahrir Square in Cairo on Tuesday for the largest demonstration so far in the uprising against President Hosni Mubarak’s government.

I was watching the amazing events in Egypt unfold in many formats. A lot of current middle east events are now and will be affected by the Egyptian uprising. And unlike most political events in the past year, this seems to be mostly positive, that is what is best for most of the people.

February 2

Journal Entry:

I am so tired of working for other people, trying to match their vision of the world.

February 3

Journal Entry:

The world will not be predicted. Events swirl out of the constant storm of ferocious turbulence produced by nature and people. We cannot know what will happen next. We can predict that people will behave well and badly, with cowardice and courage, wisely or out of ignorance. Each person will inevitably have their moment to act, and will choose a path that can only be seen once it is walked on.

February 6

Journal Entry:

I want to mash everything together and make a stew, simmer it and have it come out as a dream.

February 9

Dreams:

1. A lunatic assassin with a bow hidden in his bag hunts me and my baby, a tiny black rectangle bundled in blankets. I am afraid he will shoot me and take my baby.

2. My wife and my daughter are playing a complex game with puzzle pieces sorted into piles and bowls. I knock them and jumble them with my nervous movements.

February 10

Journal Entry:

I have been walking in the sun, but the fog has not lifted from my brain. By Friday I have run out of gas.

February 13

The Title of a Book from a Dream:

The Three-Fold Stone of Culture by Leonard Cohen

February 14

Dream:

1. I am teaching a college class in which I had to use unfamiliar symbols relating to mathematics and sociology. The Students were doing well even though I didn’t how the tests were being produced or administered. I was afraid to ask and admit my ignorance.

2. I live in a small town on the coast. I have a conversation with a woman who was a afraid to home school her children.

“You learned it didn’t you? Why shouldn’t you be able to teach it?”

Another woman works her way up the coast $200 at a time teaching.

“I do research and then let it into my work in a natural way,” She told me.

February 15

Journal Entry:

I am tired of my schedule and the little annoyances of a job that should be wonderful.

February 17

Journal Entry:

I can’t remember a time that I have been so tired and bedeviled by nit-picky, excruciating pains of the tiresome trudging kind. I get up and go, come back and sleep. This is not living.

February 18

Journal Entry:

Today was a pleasant day at work. With only 16 children, we were able to work on a lot of little things.

February 19

Journal Entry;

I have had a pretty good life, but every day is a struggle.

February 20

Laundry Mat Thoughts:

He squats next to his friend on the curb, sunglasses reflecting the day. Tattoos cover his bare arms. It is cold thus the stocking cap.

They are no use to the world. They are at their best neutral and at worst annoying and destructive on an individual level. If the universe is projected, why include the people who don’t notice it? Why does the universe exist for them?

February 21

Journal Entry:

Professor Mannor Justerly, Mid-Washington University, Hanford:

He works on discovering the Higgs-Bozon particle which also relates to holographic projection. What are the complications in his life?  The rabbit holes and tornadoes that take him into other realms? How are people in his life affected by these phenomena?

February 22

Journal Entry:

Snow all morning in Everett. Some of the teachers discussed the ethical implications of an invitation to a lingerie party given by a parent. What if it were a Tupperware party?

February 24

Journal Entry:

Cold, cold, cold. Winter holds on until spring.

Posted in conversations, Dreamtime, mindworks, my life, Other peoples words, personal history, philosophy, Questions and riddles, Teaching and Learning, Telling Stories, thinking in words, time travel, winter, wonder world, working world | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Few More Pieces of January

Posted on August 6, 2011 by randomyriad

“You think people are silly to believe in ghosts,” an old man had asked Fred Foley.

“You should hear some of the things that ghosts believe in!”

R. A. Lafferty, “Fourth Mansions”

January 16

Journal Entry:

What is writing? What is being a writer? What am I doing? How do I start or finish?

January 21

Dream:

I looked down at the bones and rotting flesh of a famous witch in the center of a roofless concrete tomb without window or door. The bones rose and joined and flesh began to form until there was the shape of woman. She rose up. I fled through the fairy tail theme park. There was a child sized pirate ship sitting in a canal with aquamarine cement bed so the water looked bright and tropical. Turds floated on the surface mingled with other litter and chaff. There was a tree house slide and a crooked maze all overgrown and broken up, abandoned. I ran along the winding tilting path of the maze. Whenever I looked back she followed, flesh gathering on her at every floating stride.

“I must get out and seal her in, ” I thought.

But one of the stone walls surrounding the park had collapsed into rubble. Panicking, I ran until I looked back and saw that she was catching up to me. So I turned to face her. As she came close I grabbed her head and looked into her pale, hard face and bright, empty eyes. I started to twist her neck.

“No please,” She whimpered, her face softening into miserable fear.

I sat down with her in the middle of a dark road in an empty city and held her. I had no idea what to do with an evil reanimated witch.

January 16-31

The Sculpture Project Continued:

We took a walk to see the hanging spiral sculptures in the art building. The children, parents and teachers all spread out underneath drawing what they saw and talking about it. Earlier in the week I gave S the opportunity to set up a sculpture project in the studio and she used a carpet tube and nails and two pieces of wood to make the structure. The children painted it and helped with the nailing. We also had many exiting discussions about sculpture.

I also organized a one day project in which a small group of students made structures using wooden blocks and sticks. They started by them drawing an idea. Then they constructed their idea in three dimensions using the blocks and sticks. I took a picture of it and they used the photograph to reconstruct their sculpture using glue to make it permanent. Then we displayed them with the photos and some of their words. I could tell they felt like artists after going through the process and seeing what came out of it. This total involvement in process and experience is what I find most rewarding as a teacher. Some children will not be able to complete such an involved process. Some of the children painted rocks with water, or arranged natural objects into patterns, some came up with their own activities or continued on their own path.

I gave S some time to set up a studio project. She used a carpet tube and nails to make a base for a project and then invited children to explore with her the next steps which turned out to be painting, wrapping it with string, and painting it again. Many hands, arms and faces were painted in this process as well. In the end we had a marvelous piece of art to display to which everyone in the class contributed some paint, ideas, or string.

This kind of creative process is what makes me want to teach young children. I get to teach and learn, discuss and negotiate, experience and guide acting as part of a group that is exploring ideas. It is a powerful way to include every member of the community in a learning experience through which each member can find their own path as well as share and combine ideas with others in the group. And finally, they can see the outcomes in their recorded words, photos and pieces of individual and group art. This kind of teaching feeds my inspiration and is quite addictive.

Posted in All part of the process, conversations, Drawing, Dreamtime, my life, Other peoples words, paying attention, personal history, Questions and riddles, Teaching and Learning, Telling Stories, thinking in words, visions from the dark side, wonder world, working world | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Looking Back at The First Half of the First Month of An Already Long Year

Posted on August 6, 2011 by randomyriad

This should be a good starter for writing at least 2 or 3 blogs a week or more. I have the time: all I need is the inspiration and motivation.

January 1

Journal Entry:

Pat called around 10:00 in the morning just as I was getting up. We talked about nothing as usual. It was very pleasant.

Last night Mary, Dustin and I played hearts until 2, taking a break to toast the new year with juice and wine. We all agreed that if Pat were here, we would all be losing.

This allegation thing is a little unsettling and creeps around the my thoughts. Some paranoid thoughts about extrovert investigation. What if they seize my computer? But, really it will probably just be dealt with and I will go back to work. 

From The Year in Review: December 2010

I went back to work today, and in the middle of organizing my classroom, I was called into the office and confronted with an allegation of child abuse by one of my clients. I was baffled and in shock. Then my director came and told me she had faith in me, but she had to put me on administrative leave with pay until the investigation was over. I spent 3 long days on administrative leave. I was not too fearful. I was just anxious to be there with my colleagues starting the new quarter with my class. I am so thankful for the emotional and administrative support I got during this ordeal. It made a huge difference in my attitude.

January 3

Journal Entry:

I am not at work today. How strange to say goodby to Mary at 6:15 and stay here writing (Not so strange anymore here in unemployed August).

I am working on Old Nick Harrington’s character for Mazeland. (A novel that I started on winter break and is now buried somewhere on my hard drive. I will have to dig it up and see where I left off.)

A walk to Hardware Sales so inspiring:

Soft stretchy rope, clear acrylic tubes and rods,the varieties of wire, clothes pins and lines, wire screens.

on the way home ice puddles broken into odd puzzle shapes.

January 4

Journal Entry:

Second day of administrative leave, and I am trying to stay positive and writing. It is working mostly, but I am becoming a little anxious.

I want to get started on some projects in my classroom.

I am working on the blog review of last year. I am up to April.

January 5

Journal Entry

I forget to eat when I am writing. Maybe I would not remember to breathe if it wasn’t automatic.

I have to remember this feeling of being a writer writing, always in writing mode. Maybe I can continue this out in the world.

I am feeling left out. I have heard from no one.

Later that day, my supervisor called me and told me to come back to work.

January 6

Finally I was back at work. I started a sculpture project at work based on Andy Goldworthy’s work. I brought in books and natural materials to work with and started conversations by asking “What is sculpture?”

January 7

Journal Entry:

I have been running the tape of my interaction with C (a parent of a challenging child). I know I betrayed some of relationship we had worked so hard to develop, but I also know that I cannot hold every client in my mind firmly after a month off. I still care about her and want to do my best to have positive interactions with her that move her into a positive role as a parent. But, I cannot be perfectly in tune with every person that walks into my classroom. I would not be myself. My fault was not honoring the moment. She has to be aware of her child’s behavior. I just chose the wrong timing for her.

January 9

Journal Entry:

I worked on my blog all day, redesigning. Mississippi Mind Map disappeared for some reason. I have to start thinking about tomorrow and the week ahead.

This week we will continue our sculpture project. I am excited to see what my students will bring to it. My assistant teacher, S is so enthusiastic and ready to go. I am going to let her take some leadership on the studio work. I have some ideas about smaller activities. My part time assistant will also have ideas. I work with a very creative and inspired team.

Snow blankets the town, but I am pretty sure I will get to work tomorrow.

January 10

Journal Entry:

C (the parent) and I both apologized and had a nice conversation. S (my assistant) also checked in nicely with her. I am feeling like we have a good shot at giving her some support in her parenting and in moving ahead with her life.

Mary is at work this evening and I am in bed. She is working nights at a nursing home, and comes home around 11:30. I get up at 4:30 or 5:00 and get home after she has gone to work.

January 13

Journal Entry:

We watched part of Andy Goldsworthy‘s “Rivers and Tides” today in class. Lambs were being born in the segment we watched. The children were entranced and curious. Some died. This lead to some questions and a lively discussion. I did not specifically choose this segment to show them. I was just moving through the video showing them ice sculpting and his work with the tides. And there they were, lambs being born. Sometimes the strongest curriculum comes from unplanned events. I am sure this will lead us in an interesting and challenging direction.

January 14

Journal Entry:

I am working on a way to make my life make sense no matter what bumps and jolts shake me.

January 15

Journal Entry:

Mary is sleeping late. I am moving forward with my writing plans. I have no idea where it will lead me.

All of this seems so far away now, but I can still feel the energy that I was getting from writing and the project work in our class. When I went back to work I had very little time to write, but I was still finding bits and pieces around the edges. The last month and a half I have had a lot of time but no inspiration. Just reading these journal entries and thinking about how crazy our schedule was, I am amazed at the enthusiasm I was feeling at the time. I am getting some of that back now.

Posted in All part of the process, developing relationships, Family, House and home, my life, my museum of inspiration, novel projects, paying attention, personal history, Questions and riddles, scenes on screens, Teaching and Learning, Telling Stories, thinking in words, time travel, winter, wonder world, working world | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Post Hibernation Thoughts: A Cup of Coffee and A Simpler Plan

Posted on July 31, 2011 by randomyriad

I recently read an article that included the words from a poster. The article was interesting, but these words stuck with me more.

THERE ARE THREE KINDS OF PEOPLE, the poster read.

Those who MAKE things happen.
Those who WATCH things happen.
And those who WONDER what happened.

I think that I would like to be all three people, making my life what I want it to be, paying attention as it is unfolding, and learning from what I experience.  I have been too much in the watching and wondering group most of my life and not involved enough in the making part.

For the last month and a half, I have been hibernating, an odd behavior for summer. I keep trying to wake up and get my life going again only to fall back into slacking and dealing with mundane chores, just sleep walking through my days. Mostly I have been trying to make adjustments to a new lifestyle that is not centered around a job. I have been reading and watching some interesting movies, mostly Italian movies of the post WWII period, De Sica, Rossellini, Fellini and others, but not writing, drawing, or planning my life in any significant way. I have read and heard that sleep and dreams are a way for the body to assimilate sensory input and concepts from the day, form connections and make adjustments between neurons and brain/body connections. In a way I think a similar process has been at work even during my waking hours this summer. Now suddenly I am awake and ideas and plans are popping in my head. Inspiration comes to me from dreams, books, and my life again on a conscious level. I don’t have to make myself do things. I am writing and drawing, planning projects and making a structure to hang my new life on.

I am in a hiring process for a part time position at a small school. This has been motivating me to look at how to shape my days, what rhythm and flow will make my life work more for me, keep me inspired and moving, connecting with other  lives. I think optimally I would like to work part time at a job I do well and that feeds me, leaving me with time to create and do the things that need to get done to keep our life together. I would like a job that I don’t need a car to get to. That removes a lot of pressure to maintain two aging cars. I would like a job that reconnects my with my community and gives me a feeling of belonging. My last job gave me a feeling of belonging to a team but not to a community as it was 60 miles away from my home. I want to work where I live. I had most of this with the job I had at the Coop School before it closed but our financial situation made for a lot of stress. We are doing alright financially now that Mary is a nurse and working full time.

I am really starting to wake up. My dreams have become very rich and deep. Ideas are connecting from many sources of input, and I am drawing and writing without struggling to overcome drowsy inertia.  Whether I am able to get the job or not I am now awake and ready to begin putting together my new life. I am not sure why I was shut down for so long processing what happened. I did a lot of pointless mulling. I have come to the conclusion that life is too short for too much mulling. I have processed the last year or so, made my adjustments, and done my yawning and stretching. I am awake and ready to go out and make my life what I want it to be.

This is what I will be doing to keep myself awake and moving:

1) Writing and Drawing: I will write a little very time I have a few minutes: Whenever I sit down to my desk or am waiting for something. I will take my journal everywhere I go. I will go through my journals of the last month and half and combine what I have written with my new insights and publish what I come up with here. I am hoping for 3 or 4 blogs a week..

2) Blogging is definitely a part of my process. It kind of went away when I went into my lifestyle coma and now I have to get this part of my creative process back into shape.

3)I will organize my space and ideas and  make my materials and tools accessible. I will go back and reread my unfinished writing and start editing. I also have to go through my files and possessions, sort and sift. reorganize and get rid of the useless clutter. My life has been so busy and not here for the last year, I haven’t even had the time to look at the stuff I moved out of the Coop school and from the previous house last August. Now I have a bunch of boxes of things that I hastily packed from my last job to go through.

4) I will find a job that fits in with my new situation and adds to my inspiration and connects me to my community rather than adding stress and limiting my ability to be a part of the life of the community I live in.

My overall goal is to bring my life back home and simplify it. I want to live, work and create from one place for a while so that I can get a better idea of what direction I am facing and where the next step will take me.

Posted in All part of the process, discovery and recovery, make your own world, mindworks, my life, paying attention, scenes on screens, Self-Experiments, Teaching and Learning, the end is the beginning, thinking in words, working world | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sometimes the Telling Makes the Tale

Posted on July 27, 2011 by randomyriad
Cover of "Fourth Mansions (Ace SF Special...

Cover of Fourth Mansions (Ace SF Special, 24590)

“There is entwined seven-tentacled lightning. It is fire-masses, it is sheets, it is arms. It is seven-colored writhing in the darkness, electric alive. It pulsates, it sends, it sparkles, it blinds!

It explodes!

It is seven murderous thunder-snakes striking in seven directions along the ground! Blindingly fast! Under your feet! Now! At you!

And You! You who glanced in here for but a moment, you are already snake-bit!

         It is too late for you to withdraw. The damage is done to you. That faintly odd taste in your mouth, that smallest of tingles which you feel, they signal the snake-death.

Die a little. There is a reason for it.”

The first paragraph of “Fourth Mansions” by R. A. Lafferty

I love the way this man wrote. He sings to you in his prose. He breaks all the rules and yet it is still prose. I think I will enjoy this book. I have no idea if this opening paragraph will connect to anything else in the story. It is a storytellers call for attention to gather an audience, and I have not been disappointed yet by any of his stories. Some are better than others, but they all have a quality of play and laughter, sometimes very dark, infused in the words. He is a storyteller. His stories have a voice that sings of a love of language and tales told by a fire. A grinning voice that comes at you from many angles. I read his stories because he tells them so well with what seems like the ease of water flowing over pebbles. He grabs you like a carnival barker then keeps you moving through the maze of his story. You don’t have time to think to much about details. It’s the language and the movement that matter. The telling makes the tale.

Posted in Check this out, Fiction, my museum of inspiration, Other peoples words, Telling Stories | Tagged , | Leave a comment