April Thoughts: A Dream, Some Commentary, and A Poem

4/27/12

Dream:

I am the head of a family in which everyone is running for president. I am trying to lead them in ways of wisdom.

“In the next few minutes there will be a wasp trapped in a spider’s web,” I announce. “We must free it.”

Suddenly the air is filled with wasps all around us, but none are trapped.

“Oh well, we must not kill anything for the next few days,” I say.

My son Jordan jumps up and gesticulates wildly shouting, “There are some who are not able to accept calmly the restrictions of responsibility and become angry.”

“But calm reflection will enlighten you more,” I reply.

“I am not angry,” he says sitting quietly down.

 

I am never clear on where I am headed, just vaguely moving toward a dim light. Light breezes intercept my progress and shift my route, or sometimes I am swatted away staggering in a completely different direction. I expect these diversions every now and then.

 Eggshell

A movement of horizons

How could I bring the sky down to my bed?

Nights awake staring into

the wall surrounding the universe.

But what is on the other side?

I built walls that could not contain

Oblivion’s eternal reach.

 

Posted in conversations, dangerous creatures, Dreamtime, Family, mindworks, my life, poetry, Telling Stories | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Attitudes and Obsessions: Three Random Journal Entries from 2012

5/13

There are rules and algorithms to operating in social life effectively. These rules have often been a mystery to me. Luckily I am intelligent and non-violent and have never had any uncontrollable urges to engage publicly in activities considered taboo. I am not a fighter, a gambler, or prone to lengthy obsessions. My obsessions come and go like tides or direction of the wind. One week I will be obsessed with a certain type of mint gum and the next month it will be dark beer and chocolate.

6/15

For the last year I have been lazy in my attitude toward my life. I have worked hard and done what needed doing when it had to be done. I have been busy with many projects, but I have been going through the motions on much of it relying on other people to take an interest in my life.

I do the best things when I am responding to ideas, not waiting for opportune moments.

7/13

Dream:

I am trying to fix my Toyota van in the parking lot of a upper class condominium complex. Some rich guys come out and are giving me a hard time.

“You should take it to the dealer,” one says trying to move me on my way.

“It’s an ’86, and I bought it from an old man,” I reply.

Another guy starts spraying down the parking lot accusing me of leaving a mess. The water gets on my new work suit. I notice he is wearing the same suit. I know that he can afford to buy another, while it cost me much of a month’s salary.

Finally I pick up the van and twist a nob on the roof. Each time I twist it the van grows smaller until I can fit it into my pocket and walk away.

Posted in Dreamtime, Lazy daze, mindworks, my life, paying attention, thinking in words | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

By the Way, We Are All Worm Food in the End. Just Sayin.

Young Lord Byron

Young Lord Byron (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lines Inscribed Upon a Cup Formed from a Skull

 

Start not-nor deem my spirit fled:
In me behold the only skull
From which, unlike a living head,
Whatever flows is never dull.

I lived, I loved, I quaff’d, like thee:
I died: let earth my bones resign;
Fill up-thou canst not injure me;
The worm hath fouler lips than thine.

Better to hold the sparkling grape,
Than nurse the earth-worm’s slimy brood;
And circle in the goblet’s shape
The drink of Gods, than reptiles’ food.

Where once my wit, perchance, hath shone,
In aid of others’ let me shine;
And when, alas! our brains are gone,
What nobler substitute than wine?

Quaff while thou canst-another race,
When thou and thine like me are sped,
May rescue thee from earth’s embrace,
And rhyme and revel with the dead.

Why not? since through life’s little day
Our heads such sad effects produce;
Redeem’d from worms and wasting clay,
This chance is theirs, to be of use.

For the last three months it seems like I should have just attached a handle to the side of my head and used it as a mug for grog,  for groggy I have been, in and out of a fog of regret and bewildering grief brought on by separation and anxiety. But now I am digging through the rubble trying to use my head for better things, trying to figure what my life will be in this new world of singleness. I keep starting on a path and forgetting where I wanted to go. A lot of this is due to my crazy work schedule and need to not think to much about my situation. Today I have the morning off and I will use it to put my head to work organizing my creative life. Hopefully I will be writing daily for a while.

Posted in All part of the process, can't really complain but, change, Check this out, discovery and recovery, Geographies of Death, mindworks, my life, my museum of inspiration, Other peoples words, poetry, thinking in words, visions from the dark side | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

November Visitor

Bee buzzing  at the backdoor glass

Riding my shoe

Flies out into the wet garden

I was thinking of a Jethro Tull song as the first line came to me. I’ll let you guess which one.

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Thoughts Written on A Church Program on the Twenty-fifth Sunday after Pentecost

Pentecost

Pentecost (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

People are people everywhere not good or bad just trying to survive. Some try to connect across the infinite divide of solitude. Most fail. Some are never given a chance to connect and are thrown aside in disdain. Some are able to find peace in the isolation  by escaping the self through a backdoor in their thoughts. Some find peace in the isolation of multitudes. If a person can reach another, the other may reject not understanding the effort or the value of the offer. If the person is accepted a delicate balancing act begins which most likely ends in disaster for one or both. It all has to do with what people are looking for, what they need from the person reaching out, and the ability of both to communicate their needs or desires. Mostly people just end up in a messy pile on the floor struggling over scraps, attention scraps, love scraps, power scraps, trying to fill the holes by stuffing what they can find in there and hoping it sticks.

Faith is foolish but necessary. without faith all is lost. How can anyone get up in the morning without some hope of enlightenment or at least a few moments of joy tucked into the day. Even on the day of disaster and ruin people rise and believe everything will be alright, or made right through effort, up to the moment of ultimate collapse.

A Stubborn Dim Light

What do I need? Nothing!

I only desire.

I could eat the world and leave.

I could turn inside myself

dreaming my desire into the stars

of my internal night.

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